


He Feels Like Home

by whatadudeman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, American AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Designer Zayn Malik, Dialogue Heavy, Florist Harry, Friendship, Graphic Designer Zayn, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Minor Perrie Edwards/Zayn Malik, Pregnancy, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatadudeman/pseuds/whatadudeman
Summary: Under the impression that he would never meet his soulmate because others in his family faced the same circumstance, Zayn married Perrie and built a life with her. While that life wasn't anything out of the ordinary, it would do. Then, Zayn met his soulmate, Harry.





	1. You and I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for clicking on this story!

“Cheers, boys,” Louis said as he held up his bottle. His friends looked at him in question. “For Zayn, of course,” he explained, “He hasn’t been out with us in weeks and he’s finally made an appearance tonight.” 

Zayn clinked his drink with Louis, Niall, and Liam but his face showed disapproval. “Work has been crazy lately and now with getting the baby room -“ 

Niall stopped him. “It’s alright, Zayn. We get it. You’re the only one of us that has their shit together. We know the wife and soon to be born baby are priority.” 

Zayn could have hugged him at that moment. He was stressed and Niall understood. “Thanks, Niall.” 

“Speaking of the baby,” Liam added, “Do you know the sex yet?” 

“Perrie wants it to be a surprise,” Zayn explained to his best friends. 

“What about you?” Louis asked. 

“I think I’d want to know, but it’s fine. You love them either way, you know?” 

Niall held up his glass. “We gotta clink again,” he announced, “for the little him or her in Perrie’s belly and to the fact that Zayn is going to be an amazing father.” 

Zayn smiled as the sound of glass clinking filled the air once more. “Thanks, boys.” 

Later, Zayn left the boys at their booth and went to the bathroom. He approached the bathrooms to find a long line had formed and tapped the shoulder of the man in front of him to ask him if that was indeed the line. 

When the man turned around, Zayn lost every ounce of voice that he had. His chest felt hot, tight. He struggled to catch a breath and it seemed the man before him was having the same experience. 

“You feel that, don’t you?” he asked Zayn. 

Zayn nodded slowly. He stared at the man before him. His lips were plump, parted softly. He was absolutely, breathtakingly handsome. 

“I can’t believe it’s you,” the man said, “I had honestly given up hope that I’d ever find my soul mate.” 

Zayn had given up too. He had married Perrie. His parents had never found their soul mates and Zayn had decided that that would be his fate as well, so he bit the bullet and married the girl that wasn’t his soul mate but was good enough. 

The man before him was still watching him when Zayn broke from his thoughts and came back to the reality that he faced – his soul mate was standing right before him. 

“I’m Harry,” the man told him, “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Zayn,” he replied, with a soft smile. He was apprehensive, because he knew that he had to tell this man that nothing could come of their meeting. He was married and there was a baby soon to be in his life. 

Suddenly, Zayn felt a weight against his back and hands on his shoulders. “There you are. We were wondering if you got lost or something.” He recognized the voice as Louis’. Louis let go of him and moved to his side. “Who is this?” 

Zayn didn’t want to tell Louis that Harry was his soul mate. He didn’t want to tell anyone. “Um, this is Harry. We just met in line.” 

Louis could feel that something was off. “Alright. Hi, Harry. Come join us for a drink? Any friend of Zayn’s is a friend of ours!” 

To Zayn’s horror, Louis grabbed Harry’s wrist and pulled him back to their booth. He didn’t know what to say. 

Zayn soon found out that Harry was a very likable guy. He befriended Zayn’s friends with less than ten words said to each of them. He laughed and drank with them like they had known each other for years. Zayn didn’t say much, but he did observe. He caught himself staring at Harry too many times to count. His chest was warm. 

Liam and Niall left first, as they were roommates, and took a cab together. Louis left soon after because he had promised Sophia that he would be home at a decent time. 

“Your friends are great,” Harry smiled. Then, when Zayn didn’t say anything, he asked, “Have you known each other long?” 

“Years,” Zayn answered. 

Harry nodded. He noticed the nervousness in Zayn. “Look,” he said, hand falling to Zayn’s knee under the booth, “I’m nervous too. Promise. But I’m so happy we bumped into each other.” 

Zayn looked down at Harry’s hand on his knee. The skin under Harry’s touch felt like it was on fire – in the best possible way. “I’m sorry,” Zayn started. 

Harry cut him off. “You don’t have to apologize.” 

He was moving closer and Zayn knew that Harry wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss Harry too. But he wasn’t a cheater. He would never cheat on a woman that was carrying a part of him inside her. He couldn’t do that. 

Zayn pushed Harry away and got out of the booth before quickly making his way to the door. Harry watched after him with wide, shocked eyes. 

Zayn hurried home. He got into bed with his wife and he tried not to think about how close he was to cheating on her. 

“Did you have a good time?” Perrie asked him. She flipped to face him and smiled softly against her pillow. Her hand found his chest under the comforter but it didn’t cause the warmth that Harry’s touch had. 

“Yeah,” Zayn told her. “It was nice to get out with the boys.” 

Perrie placed a kiss on his jaw. “I’m glad you had fun, baby.” 

*

In the following days, Zayn tried to forget that he had met his soul mate. He didn’t want to think about handsome Harry and his perfectly pout lips, his deep voice, and his kind words – 

But, there was a pain in his chest. Zayn knew his heart wanted him to find Harry. He knew that this was a pain that would be relentless. He had read all the books about soul mates and learned about the process in school. It was a miraculous miracle of nature and his body didn’t like that he was rejecting it. 

Then, nearly a week later, Zayn saw Harry again. It was Perrie’s birthday and Zayn always got her flowers on her birthday. He stopped in the flower shop that was close to his office and looked around for something that would make her smile. While he browsed, Zayn overheard a conversation between two of the shop workers. 

“Is Harry here yet?” one of them asked. 

“No,” the other replied. “He said he’s been feeling sick the last week. Likely will be late again.” 

Zayn knew that many people had the name Harry and that it could just be a coincidence, but for the first time in the week it had been since he met Harry – he didn’t feel a throbbing, dull ache in his chest. 

The shop door opened and Zayn looked up. He saw that it was indeed his Harry that the two had been talking about. Harry saw him too. 

“Zayn?” Harry was at Zayn’s side in a moment. “I thought that I would never see you again after you ran off at the bar,” he was quick to say, “I’m sorry if I moved too quickly. I had had a few drinks before I started drinking with you and your friends –“ He paused because he could sense that Zayn was about ready to bolt again. Harry grabbed his arm to keep him there. “Zayn.” His voice was lower and calmer. “Please, just talk to me. What am I doing wrong?” 

Zayn looked at him with a furrowed brow. “Wrong?” he asked. 

“There must be something,” Harry explained, “When my best friend Cara met her soul mate, they didn’t stop kissing for hours. They were in a permanent hug for months.” Harry shook his head. “I understand if you want to take things slow and I might have jumped the gun that night, but I get the feeling that going slow isn’t what you want. I feel like you don’t want anything to do with me at all.” He sighed, “My heart aches at the thought of it.” 

Zayn nodded. His heart ached too. He couldn’t ignore that when Harry was present, he felt fine. More than fine. Perfect. 

“It’s not –“ Zayn started. 

He was interrupted when one of the other workers came to ask Harry a question. She had addressed him with the title boss. Zayn was surprised. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry sighed when he looked back to Zayn, “I have to get to work. Can I have your phone number? Can we meet up? Just to talk. Whatever you want.” 

Zayn couldn’t say no to the pleading look on Harry’s face. He took Harry’s phone and put in his number. 

Zayn had ended up buying a bouquet of roses before he left the shop. Perrie loved them and she thanked him with a hug and kiss when he presented them to her. 

That night they had a small get together in their garden. Zayn tried to be the best supportive, happy husband – but he noticed himself tuning out conversations and instead thinking about chestnut curls and mossy green eyes. 

The first text he received from Harry came when he was with Niall. The two of them were at the edge of the party, chatting while they sipped on glasses of champagne. Zayn pulled his phone out of the pocket of his slacks and read the message. Harry wanted to meet up that night.

“You alright?” Niall asked. “You just looked over your shoulder like you were afraid someone would read your text.” He chuckled. “What is it?” 

“It’s nothing,” Zayn replied, “Just Harry.” 

“The guy from that night we went out?” Niall questioned. 

Zayn nodded. 

“You exchanged numbers?” 

Zayn nodded again. “Yeah. He was nice enough.” He waited, for Niall’s approval. 

“Yeah, he was cool,” Niall agreed, “Nice guy.” 

When Selena distracted Niall, Zayn replied to the text. He told Harry that he couldn’t meet that night. Harry’s reply came a moment later. He asked if Zayn could call if he couldn’t meet up. Zayn didn’t want to say no again but there was no way that he would be able to talk to Harry with everyone in his garden. 

“Zayn.” 

He turned to see Perrie coming towards him. She was glowing in her off the shoulder dress and her hair in loose braids. 

“The birthday girl,” Zayn smiled, “I didn’t think I’d see much of you tonight with you making the rounds and catching up with everyone.” 

Perrie smiled at him. “I’m sorry to be neglecting you,” she said, “and I’m sorry that I have to ask if you’ll go get a few more bottles of wine. We’re almost out and I don’t think Jade has the inclination to cut herself off anytime soon.” 

“Don’t these people have jobs to get to tomorrow?” Zayn playfully questioned. 

Perrie laughed. 

“It’s fine,” he said a moment later, “I’ll go get a few more. Be back in fifteen. No one should dehydrate in that time.” 

Perrie kissed his cheek and waved him off. 

It was only after Zayn had bought the wine and was sitting in his car in the gas station parking lot that he realized he hadn’t replied to Harry’s message. He stared at his phone for a few moments before he bit the bullet and called. 

“Hey.” Harry’s voice sounded relieved. 

“Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t reply. I have this get together at my place tonight.” 

Harry was quiet a moment. “Oh. I didn’t mean to bother –“ 

Zayn cut him off. “I have a few minutes.” 

Harry was quiet for another moment and Zayn leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes as he sighed. He felt awful for not telling Harry the truth, but he also knew that the truth might be the reason he never talked to Harry again if he was angry once he knew. He didn’t think it was everyday that a person met their soul mate only to have them be taken by someone else. 

“I just want to get to know you.” His voice was so soft. Pure. Zayn felt a twinge of guilt in his chest. “Is that okay?” Harry asked. 

Zayn was quick to answer. “Of course.”

He could hear Harry smile. “Well, you know where I work. What do you do?” 

“I work at a firm. It’s not far from your shop, actually. I’m a graphic designer there and create marketing media mostly,” Zayn answered. 

“I thought you might be an artist. What with all those tattoos.” 

Zayn picked up on the teasing tone in Harry’s voice and it caused him to grin. “And what’s your excuse?” he teased in return. 

Harry laughed. “Stupidity?” he questioned. 

Zayn chuckled. 

“I got a lot of them in college. Some are mementos from nights out. Some are spur of the moment,” he explained.

“Do you regret any?” Zayn asked. 

Harry laughed again and it was a beautiful sound. “Hell no.” 

It was so easy to talk to Harry that Zayn had forgotten about the party and that he needed to get back with the wine. His phone buzzed with a text from Perrie asking if everything was okay. 

“I have to go,” Zayn told Harry, “But it was nice to talk.” 

“Yeah, it was,” Harry agreed, “Talk again soon?” 

“Yeah.” 

Zayn thought about his promise as he drove back to the party. He wanted to know more about Harry. He wanted to hear him laugh. 

After the wine was delivered, the party went on without a hitch. The guests laughed and they drank. Toasted to Perrie when she cut the cake. 

“Are you hiding out in here?” Perrie had walked out the last of the guests before returning to her living room to find her husband on the couch, tie undone, and his phone in his hand as he scrolled through Twitter. 

“I’m an introvert. You know I can only handle so much social interaction before I need a break,” Zayn told her. 

“I know,” Perrie smiled at him, “I wouldn’t trade you for the world either way.” She linked her elbow with his as she sat down with him. “Thanks for the great night, baby. And for going on the wine run for Jade. You know how she is.” 

They laughed together. 

“I know how she is,” Zayn granted. He grinned, “Probably shouldn’t have told her she had to share that bottle with Louis, though. She wasn’t too happy about that.” 

Perrie laughed at the memory before she clutched at her belly. “Can’t laugh so much,” she giggled, “I’m so full of cake it hurts.” 

Her expression caused Zayn to laugh, too. “Come on,” he said, “Let’s get you to bed.” He stood and held out his hands for hers. Perrie took his hands and let him help her off the couch and up the stairs. 

“I was worried the car had acted up,” Perrie mentioned when they were in bed. 

Zayn furrowed his brow at her in the dim light of the bedroom as he sat against the headboard with his phone in his hand. He had a habit of checking work emails right before bed. 

“You were gone awhile and I thought that maybe it didn’t want to start,” she explained. 

“Oh,” Zayn said when he caught on, “No, the car was fine.” Although it was unreliable at times. “I was just taking my time.” 

Perrie smiled softly at him and turned onto her side. “Okay. Goodnight, Z.”

 

*

Zayn didn’t speak to Harry the next day. He was swamped at work and hadn’t had the time to consider texting him. He had had so much to do that he worked through lunch and skipped the meal. 

After work, Zayn decided to take the long route to the parking lot he parked his car in each day in favor of passing the flower shop Harry owned. He glanced in the window and saw that the open sign was turned off. The shop was dimly lit but he could make out the shape of Harry behind the desk, furrowing his brow over some papers. 

His chest pain alleviated. He felt warm and light. Zayn wondered if Harry felt it too and then Harry looked up from the papers and his eyes met Zayn’s. His smile was wide as he came over to the glass door and pulled it open. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi,” Zayn replied. He stared for a moment, not knowing what to say. 

“Come in,” Harry urged, gesturing. 

Zayn stepped inside and took a few steps before he turned around to face Harry again. “Feels weird to be in here when it’s technically closed,” he noted. Then, as an afterthought, Zayn felt like he had to explain himself. “I was just walking to my car and I think my feet took me here on their own accord. I didn’t think you’d still be here.” 

“That makes the two of us.” Harry sounded tired. “I was trying to figure out something,” he explained, “It’s not going well.” 

“Can I help?” Zayn asked. 

Harry lips parted in surprise. “Well, if you want to try –“ He gestured to the counter. 

Zayn went around the counter and took a look at the paperwork Harry had been sorting through. He tried to understand, but he didn’t. With the paperwork acting as a distraction, he didn’t even notice that Harry had moved to stand next to him in the small space behind the register. His skin tingled. 

Zayn turned his body towards Harry as he shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. 

“It’s alright,” Harry was quick to say, “I have a friend who might understand this stuff. He’s had his own business before.” 

“How long have you had the shop?” Zayn asked. 

“It’s been a few months,” Harry admitted, “I knew the previous owner. I worked for him, actually. We were close, but I hadn’t expected him to leave the shop to me in his will.” 

Zayn was surprised and it showed on his face. “Will?” 

“He was older,” Harry clarified. “Like the grandfather I never had.” 

Zayn felt the grief in his chest. He didn’t have to imagine how Harry felt because he knew exactly what he was experiencing. “It must be hard to come here everyday and be reminded of him.” 

Harry nodded. “It’s not easy. But I’m trying to keep his memory alive, you know? Someone has to.” 

Zayn found himself admiring Harry for his kindness and for his loyalty. Then, his stomach growled. 

Harry chuckled. “That was loud.” 

Zayn felt his face grow warm. “I didn’t have time for lunch,” he admitted. 

“Do you have time for dinner?” 

Zayn wasn’t expecting that question. He considered it for a moment before he shrugged. “Sure. What did you have in mind?” Perrie likely wouldn’t think anything of him not being home yet. She knew that Fridays were busy at the office. 

“Leftovers,” Harry admitted, “If you don’t mind, that is.” He smiled, glancing at Zayn over his shoulder. Zayn was curious as to what Harry meant, seeing as they were in a flower shop, but he found himself following after him nonetheless. 

Harry opened a door that looked like it led to the backroom and Zayn expected storage. He was right. Pots were pilled up near the walls and there was a large sink and counter, likely for watering. The small spiral staircase in the corner was unexpected, however. 

“You first,” Harry said as he gestured to the stairs, “I don’t think they can really hold two people.” 

Zayn looked at him with concern, which caused Harry to laugh and take his hand – pulling Zayn up the stairs with him. Zayn noted the way Harry’s fingers felt against his wrist. 

Soft. Warm. Gentle. 

There was a small landing at the top of the staircase that wasn’t visible from below. Zayn was surprised once again as he heard a whine. 

“He also came with the shop.” 

Zayn was about to ask what Harry meant but he didn’t have a chance before Harry let go of his hand and opened the door. A small dog came out of the door and sniffed at his knees. 

“Hey bud,” Zayn smiled. He patted the dog on the head. Zayn loved animals. 

“His name is Caesar,” Harry explained, “He was Rick’s before he passed. Kind of came with the place as no one in Rick’s family wanted to take him. I think they purposely left him here, though. They weren’t happy that the shop was written out to me.” 

Zayn took a moment to take all of that information in. Not only was Harry the owner of the flower shop, but he also owned whatever was behind the door they were stood in front of, and Caesar. 

“Is that Narnia?” Zayn teased, stepping around Harry to peek inside the door. 

Harry laughed. “Sorry to disappoint.” 

On the other side of the door was an apartment. Zayn had view of the living room and kitchen from where he stood on the doormat. “I wasn’t expecting this,” he admitted. 

“No, of course not,” Harry chuckled. He kicked off his shoes. “You were expecting Narnia.” 

Zayn laughed, too. He found himself feeling at home in Harry’s small, cozy space. 

“Please.” Harry gestured for Zayn to come in. 

Zayn kicked off his dress shoes and stepped inside. He shut the door behind him. 

Caesar sniffed at Zayn as he glanced around the room. It was small, but quaint. Everything had a place. 

“I think this creates a new meaning to the phrase ‘bringing work home with you’,” Zayn teased when he found Harry in the small kitchen. 

Harry grinned at him. “You’re right. But I don’t have to pay rent here and I was paying an arm and a leg at my old place.” 

“Sounds like a good deal.” 

Harry nodded. He turned to the fridge and pulled it open. “So,” he started, “I have leftover Lasagna. I also have Chicken Parmesan.” He listed a few other options before looking back to Zayn and chuckling. “What’s with the face?” he asked at Zayn’s expression. 

“What’s with the seven different meals casually in your fridge?” Zayn asked, “I’m lucky if I have one set of leftovers, let alone five.” 

Harry didn’t stop smiling. “I like to cook,” he said, and then shrugged, “I also had some friends over the other night.” 

Zayn shook his head, feigning disbelief. 

“So what’ll it be?” Harry asked. 

“Honestly, I’m fine with any of those.” 

“A man who isn’t picky,” Harry teased, “A dream come true.” 

Zayn laughed and sat down on the floor to pet Caesar again as Harry took a few things out of the fridge. The hardwood under him should have been uncomfortable but he didn’t notice. Harry’s place felt like home to him. 

Zayn and Caesar watched as Harry moved around the small kitchen, grabbing things from here and there. “I feel like I should help,” Zayn said after a moment. 

“Entertaining Caesar is help enough, trust me,” Harry remarked, “He can be a terror when I’m trying to prepare something.” 

Zayn looked to Caesar and shook his head. “I’ve decided that he’s an angel and you can’t tell me different.” 

Harry grinned, “Just you wait and see.” 

There was something comforting about Harry’s words for Zayn. He liked the idea of coming back to Harry’s and experiencing more of him. More of the apartment. Caesar. All of it. 

“Bathroom?” Zayn asked a moment later. 

“Door on the left,” Harry replied. 

Zayn got up and he went to the bathroom. It was what he expected. Sink, shower, toilet. Nothing left to the imagination and surely no room for it. 

He washed his hands in the sink and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Zayn was suddenly very concerned with how he looked. He hated his tie at the moment and the bags under his eyes that made it clear he had had a late night. 

Zayn returned to the kitchen to find that Harry had plated the food and set the plates on the bar. He was waiting at one of the bar stools with a smile on his face. 

“Wow,” Zayn said as he sat down, “Looks great.” 

“No compliments until after you’ve tried it,” Harry insisted as he took the seat besides Zayn. 

The bar was made for two and only two. It was a bit of a tight squeeze with both of them having long legs. Harry’s knee knocked into Zayn’s a few times before he stopped apologizing and left it where it was. Zayn didn’t mind. Harry’s presence was warm and kind. He felt at home both in Harry’s space and with his company. Perrie didn’t cross his mind. 

After dinner and light conversation, Zayn made his way to the couch. Caesar was in his lap the moment he sat down. He laughed. 

“What’s funny?” Harry asked when he joined them. 

“He’s cute but I’m so full I might explode if he leans up against me.” 

Harry chuckled and beckoned for Caesar to come over to him. The dog did as asked and sat in Harry’s lap. The two of them sat against the armrest of the couch, facing Zayn. It was quiet a moment as Zayn and Harry held gentle, unobtrusive eye contact. 

“Thank you for dinner,” Zayn said, “It was really good.” 

Harry smiled. “Not a problem.” Then, after a pause, he added: “You’re welcome for dinner anytime.” 

Zayn nodded. He bit his lip in thought. Perrie crept into his mind. The moment with Harry felt intimate. Zayn felt like he was in the wrong. 

“You okay?” Harry’s arm was against the back of the couch and his fingers reached Zayn’s. Zayn didn’t move his hand away even though he knew that he should. 

Zayn wanted to tell Harry the truth. He was more than okay. He was happy. For the first time in a long time, he felt at ease. Relaxed. And he didn’t want the feeling to go away. 

“I’m full,” he said, instead, “Really full and –“ He paused to gauge Harry’s face. “Happy.” 

The expression Harry wore was soft. His eyes sparkled. He looked happy, too. 

Zayn watched as Harry gently tapped Caesar and the dog jumped down from the couch. With Caesar gone, Harry moved closer. He was inches away within a few seconds and Zayn didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted, but – 

Then Harry kissed him. 

It was gentle and sweet. Their mouths pressed together. Zayn’s lips fell slack and he shut his eyes. He let Harry guide his lips and the kiss as he pleased. He let Harry touch his hair and his face. 

When the kiss ended and there was enough space between them for Zayn to breathe- he swallowed hard. He swallowed the fact that he had to tell the truth. 

“Zayn –“ Harry said. It was only just above a whisper. A beautiful sound. Lustful. 

“Harry –“ 

Harry was about to kiss him another time. Zayn leaned back and placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “- I can’t.” 

Harry looked to be in disbelief. “What?” He shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he claimed, “This is it, Zayn. You and I were meant to be together. I felt it.”

Zayn had felt it too. He knew it too. And yet the words, “I have a girlfriend,” left his lips. 

Harry gawked at him with wide eyes. Zayn bit his lip because he knew that he was losing him. Soon enough Harry would tell him to get out and to never come back again. 

“Yesterday when you bought those flowers,” Harry started, “Those were for her.” He was distant. 

Zayn felt him pulling away. “I’m sorry, Harry. I wanted to tell you earlier. I wanted to tell you that night at the bar when we met.” He bit his lip and paused. “I couldn’t. I don’t know why. It was stupid. Selfish.” 

Harry’s expression was heavy. Zayn hated it. 

“You’re not going to end things with her?” 

Zayn was confused. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He thought that that was obvious. “No.” The word came out of his mouth so quietly it was a miracle that Harry heard it. 

“I don’t understand you,” Harry claimed. His voice was louder and less crestfallen. “I’ve dated people,” he went on, “but I knew that once I found my soul mate I was going to end those relationships.” He stood up and walked behind the couch. “There are so many people in the world that would KILL for even a clue about who their soul mate is and here you are having found yours and –“ he looked back to Zayn, “you’re just going to ignore it.” His voice fell. “You don’t give a shit.” He looked angry. “I waited for the moment I would meet you since I knew what a soul mate was. I imagined so many scenarios in my head of what it would be like when we first met and not one of them was like this.” 

He was disappointed. Zayn saw it on his face and heard it in his voice. 

“Is it because I’m a guy?” Harry asked, “Are you homophobic or something? Is that it?” 

Zayn quickly shook his head. “No. I promise you that is not it.” While it was true that Zayn had never been with a man before, there was nothing about Harry being a man that bothered him. 

Harry believed him. “This girlfriend of yours must be something crazy special.” He didn’t understand how Zayn could give up his soul mate for someone that would never make him feel the same. 

Harry moved towards the door and Zayn stood. He opened the door and Zayn knew. He was being kicked out and he deserved it. 

“Can I still see you?” Zayn asked in the doorway. 

“For what?” Harry wasn’t angry. He was confused and hurt. 

Zayn didn’t say anything. He thought that Harry would understand why Zayn still wanted to see him. “Because, you’re still –“ He didn’t finish his sentence. 

Harry shook his head. “No. I’m not going to watch you be with someone else when I know that you belong with me.” 

Zayn nodded. Harry was right. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”


	2. We Weren't Finished

Zayn tried to pretend that everything was fine after that night. He didn’t tell Perrie about the kiss. He didn’t tell anyone. Zayn played his roles of designer and husband as best he could and he wanted to believe that that was enough. 

A few weeks later, Zayn went out with Louis. It was just the two of them and the plan for the night was pizza and beer at one of the sports bars they liked. The two of them got a booth with view of one of the games that was on and a beer each to start. 

“So,” Louis started, with his usual mischievous smirk, “How’s Zayn?” 

Zayn furrowed his brow. “I don’t like when you talk about me in third person.” 

“That doesn’t answer the question.” 

“I’m fine,” Zayn answered, “How’s Louis?” 

“Louis is bored. He hates his job and his girlfriend’s cat keep eating holes in his socks.” 

Zayn chuckled. “I thought she got rid of the cat.” 

“She did,” Louis explained, hand around his beer glass, “Then she missed the damn thing and now it’s back.” Zayn couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. 

He thought about when he and Perrie had a pet, Hatchi – a Pomeranian. Perrie claimed he was too much work and she gave him away to one of her sisters. Zayn didn’t see him much. 

“You think you and Sophia are going to be together long term?” Zayn asked. 

Louis was surprised and it showed on his face. “Wasn’t expecting shit to get that deep before the second beer,” he commented, with a grin. “I guess so?” 

Zayn raised a brow. 

“Well, she’s not my soul mate, now is she?” Louis asked as he went on, “I didn’t feel any warmth in my chest when I met her and I don’t feel like a part of me is gone when she’s away. But it’s fine. She close enough.” 

Close enough. Zayn had told himself the same thing in regards to Perrie. 

“Do you think ‘close enough’ is enough?” 

Louis looked at Zayn with question. “Why are you bringing this up now?” 

Zayn shrugged, “It was just something to talk about. I don’t mean anything by it.” 

Louis was quiet a moment. He took a sip of his beer. “Honestly?” he asked, to gain Zayn’s attention. Zayn looked back to him. “I don’t think it’s going to be enough.” 

Zayn was surprised. “Yeah?” His question was quiet. Louis shared something important and he didn’t want to ruin the moment. 

“I wish she was my soul mate,” Louis told him, “I really wish she was. Then maybe I could take a breath. Right now it’s like I’m falling into an endless, dark hole and I’m grabbing at anything I can. I’m making do, but I’m still waiting for that person.” 

“And when you find that person?” 

“I’ll be grounded,” Louis smiled, “They’re supposed to feel like home, aren’t they? That sounds great.” 

Zayn nodded. He didn’t want to say anything else. Perrie didn’t feel like home and neither did Sophia. But Sophia wasn’t pregnant and Perrie was. Louis had options and Zayn knew that he didn’t. 

He had love for Perrie. But he wasn’t in love with her. There was a difference and some days it was more obvious then others. 

Louis and Zayn watched the game, drank their beer, and enjoyed their pizza. Zayn laughed and appreciated that he had Louis as his best friend. He wanted to tell Louis the truth about Harry, ask his advice maybe, but he didn’t. 

*   
It had been three weeks since Zayn had seen Harry and since he had told Harry the truth. The pain is his chest was excessive and the stress of work wasn’t helping his condition. Zayn stopped at the flower shop after work. It was closed, but he sat on the front step and the pain alleviated, even if it was only a small amount. He wondered if Harry was upstairs in his small, cozy apartment. He wondered if he was happy. 

“Caesar!” 

Zayn recognized the name and he recognized the voice calling it as Harry’s. He turned to see where the shouting had come from and the Jack Russell Terrier barreled into his sitting frame and knocked him back. 

“Oh my God.” Harry pulled Caesar back by his collar as he struggled to catch his breath. “He pulled off his lease and he wouldn’t stop running.” 

Zayn watched Harry with wide, curious eyes. Harry was talking to him like nothing had changed. Zayn wondered if he realized. He patted Caesar on the head.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked.

Zayn felt warmth on his neck. He reached back and touched his head to feel that it was wet. He pulled his hand to his face to get a look at the liquid and realized that it was blood. Harry saw it too. 

“Come inside,” Harry said quickly. He grabbed Zayn’s arm and pulled him inside and up the stairs to his apartment. 

Zayn found himself sat on the edge of Harry’s bathtub as Harry examined the back of his head. 

“It’s definitely a gash.” Harry looked pained to say it. 

“That stair behind me,” Zayn supplied. 

“I’m really sorry,” Harry was quick to say. 

“It’s alright. It’s not –“ 

“No, I should have –“ 

Zayn stood up. “There was nothing you could –“

“Stop it. Would you let me finish?” 

“Would you let me finish?” 

The shouting match paused and the two of them looked at one another with concerned regard. Then, because they were being ridiculous, they laughed. 

Zayn shook his head when he calmed down. “It’s fine. It’ll scab over and I’ll be fine in a few days.” 

Harry was holding a wet towel to Zayn’s head. “You might need stiches.” 

“It’s not that bad,” Zayn said. 

“Well, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, but it –“ 

“It’s fine. Honestly. I’ll just try –“ 

“Would you stop –“ 

“You’re doing the same thing to –“ Zayn cut himself off. He expected Harry to interrupt him. There was no interruption and there was no laughter. 

Harry was resigned when he looked at Zayn. “What are we doing?” 

Zayn didn’t say anything. Harry let him take hold of the towel and he stepped back. 

“Why were you outside the shop?” Harry asked. 

Zayn looked to the floor tile. “My chest has been really tight and I noticed that it feels better when I walk past the shop each afternoon. Today I sat down for a minute. I wasn’t going to bother you.” 

“Me too.” Zayn looked up and back to Harry’s eyes. “My chest,” Harry contributed, “It’s tight. It’s achy. It’s horrible.” 

“Harry,” Zayn started, “I wanted to apologize –“ 

“Wait.” Harry held his hands up in front of his chest. “Let me say something first. Please.” 

Zayn shrugged, “Okay.” 

“I’m sorry for how I acted the other night,” Harry began, “I’ve created this perfect moment or person or whatever in my head and I need to accept reality. You’re in a relationship and you don’t want to give that up. I need to respect that. Maybe I can be happy being your friend if nothing else.” 

“Harry –“ 

“No,” Harry said, “Honestly. You don’t have to pity me. Maybe it’s not supposed to be like what I thought. I’ve heard of friend soul mates too.” 

Zayn didn’t know how to respond. He stared at Harry in wonder. The man before him was being selfless and too kind. Zayn knew that Harry didn’t want to be his friend. Harry wanted love and a life partner. He wanted that perfect person that he had envisioned since he was a kid. “You’re getting the short end of the stick,” Zayn finally said. 

“No, you are.” Harry grinned and his voice was playful. “I’m a catch.” 

Zayn’s frown broke into a smile. He chuckled and it felt like a twenty-pound weight had lifted from his chest. When the laughter ended, he looked at Harry with serious eyes. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” 

Zayn wanted Harry in his life. He wanted to see him and hear him laugh. He wanted to know more about him. 

* 

“Isn’t that –“ 

Zayn smiled at Liam as they walked side by side on the pavement. “Yeah, that’s Harry. You remember him, right?” 

“Gosh, that was weeks ago.” 

“I invited him,” Zayn said as he looked to his friends, “Hope that’s okay.” 

No one had an objection as they stopped and met up with Harry in front of the theater. Harry smiled and greeted everyone. 

The movie choice of the night was thanks to Liam. Zayn wasn’t invested in the film, but he did like the idea of going out with his friends after the week he spent visiting the hardware store multiple times a day because Perrie was choosing a color scheme for the baby’s room and not one of the hundreds of colors she had considered was right. 

Zayn sat next to Harry in the theater. They shared a bucket of popcorn and it felt normal. It felt friendly. Until, their hands brushed as they both reached for the popcorn. Zayn felt like he was in high school again at the butterflies that sprung to life in his chest at Harry’s hand only brushing against his. He didn’t want to consider how his body would have reacted had Harry tried to hold his hand. 

Zayn stopped eating the popcorn after that. He knew that Harry noticed because he offered the bucket to him multiple times and Zayn had declined every one. 

“You’re acting weird,” Harry whispered. 

Zayn shook his head. 

“You are,” Harry insisted. 

Zayn shushed him and pointed to the screen. Harry huffed and crossed his arms. 

“I don’t want any more popcorn,” Zayn whispered a moment later, “That’s it.” 

“No, that’s not it.” 

Louis leaned forward in his seat and shushed the both of them. Zayn mirrored Harry and crossed his arms too.

Some time passed and Zayn had gotten back into the movie when he felt Harry’s hand on his arm. He looked at Harry to see the remorseful look on his face. Zayn was sorry too. Softly, he placed his hand on top of Harry’s and held it there a moment. Warmth spread through the touch like fire and he felt it penetrate his shirt and touch his skin. 

Harry sighed when he pulled his hand back. Zayn wondered if Harry experienced him the same way Zayn experienced Harry. 

When the movie finished, the four of them agreed to get a drink at the bar down the street. Zayn watched as Harry entertained his friends and laughed with them. He could see that Louis, Liam, and Niall genuinely liked Harry’s company. Zayn did too. 

“Zayn,” Louis started at a lull in the conversation, “Have you chosen a color yet?” he asked. 

Panic rose in Zayn. Harry didn’t know about the baby room, the baby, or his wife. He didn’t want that night to be the moment that Harry found out Zayn had forgone some of the truth when he told Harry about his ‘girlfriend’. 

“Color for what?” Harry asked. 

Zayn hadn’t mentioned anything about the paint swatches to Harry during their short meetings and shorter work breaks. 

“Don’t wanna talk about that,” Zayn said, feigning annoyance, “I’m getting sick of it.” He drank from his glass to buy a moment of time. “I wanted to hear about Selena’s new car.” 

Niall took the moment to talk about his girlfriend and the new car she had bought over the weekend. Zayn was grateful for the distraction and change of topic. He didn’t miss the suspicious look Louis gave him, however. 

The night came to an end at a reasonable time as they were now adults and had Saturday morning obligations that didn’t include sleeping until noon. Harry had drunk more than he should have, so Zayn found himself walking him home after saying goodbye to his friends. 

Harry stumbled over virtually air so often that Zayn had to wrap an arm around his hips to keep him stable. 

“I really didn’t want to be babysitting you tonight,” Zayn teased Harry. 

Harry wrapped his arm around Zayn’s shoulders. “You don’t have to. I’d be fine if you left. I could get home.” 

Zayn didn’t believe it. “I’m sure you would. But I think that I should still make sure you get home alright.” 

Harry shrugged and leaned his head against Zayn’s shoulder. 

Zayn managed to get Harry into his apartment before he face planted on the sidewalk. But that didn’t stop him from catching the corner of the couch with his hip and nearly falling on top of Caesar once he was inside. Zayn sighed and tried to pick Harry up off the ground. 

“I’m too old to be straining my back lifting you up,” Zayn complained comically as he tried to step around Caesar and also get Harry off the floor. 

Harry laughed at Zayn’s words and used the back of the couch to help him onto his feet. He threw his arms around Zayn’s shoulders and hugged him tight. “Thank you for taking me home.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Zayn replied. He had a hard time thinking as heat grew in his chest. Harry’s body against his was something he had never experienced before. He felt safe with the other man’s arms around him. 

Zayn managed to get Harry to sit down on his bed. He stood before him and sighed at the workout it had been getting those long, gangly limbs to cooperate with him. 

“Can you get your shoes off?” Zayn asked. 

Harry looked to his feet as he considered the question and then laughed. Zayn took that as a no. He face palmed before he got to work and took Harry’s boots off. 

“You’re hiding something from me,” Harry said once his shoes were off. 

Zayn furrowed his brow at Harry. “No?” 

“You avoided Louis’ question at the bar.” Harry had noticed. Zayn didn’t know what to say. “I know when you’re avoiding something,” Harry added, “Just like I know when you’re sad or when you’re happy. When you’re thinking about me –“ 

Zayn watched him with careful eyes as Harry started tugging off his shirt. He noticed that Harry had more tattoos under the shirt. 

“I know when you’re nervous or when you’re mad at me.” 

Zayn waited for Harry to finish. 

“I know when you feel warmth rush through you.” 

The final truth caught Zayn by surprise. He was sure that Harry could see it on his face. “Do you feel it too?” he asked. 

Harry nodded. “I do. It’s the best feeling. It feels like home, but in a person.” 

A stab of guilt found Zayn’s chest. It was moments like that one that he feared. He didn’t want to hurt Harry. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Zayn encouraged, “You can be mad at me in the morning.” He tried to use humor to lighten the mood. 

Harry huffed, but he laid down. Zayn turned to leave when he felt Harry’s hand on his as Harry reached for him. “Zayn, do you ever think that –“ 

Harry abruptly stopped speaking as he got out of the bed quickly and ran to the bathroom. Zayn heard the distinctive sound of vomiting a moment later. He sighed. 

Zayn went to the bathroom and pushed the door open slowly. Harry was sat against the tile wall in front of the toilet with his hand over his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

Harry mumbled something Zayn didn’t understand before he lurched forward again. Zayn tried to look away but he knew he needed to comfort Harry, so he knelt down next to him and rubbed at Harry’s back until he stopped vomiting. 

When Harry was done, he sat back against the wall and he looked to have sobered up. “I’m sorry you’re having to take care of me like this,” he sighed, “I’m an idiot.” 

Zayn shook his head. “It’s one night,” he reasoned, “It’s okay.” He stood and held out his hands for Harry to take so Zayn could help him up. 

Harry got up and washed out his mouth. Zayn left him alone and went back to the living room. He shrugged off his jacket and got out of his shoes. Harry appeared a moment later and sat on the couch, curling his knees up to his chest. 

Zayn grabbed the blanket from the chair and draped it over Harry. Harry watched him with interested eyes. Then, Zayn went into the kitchen and he got a glass of water. When he came back and gave it to Harry, Harry furrowed his brow. 

“You don’t have to do this, Zayn,” Harry said, “You can go home. I’ll be fine.” 

“Drink the water and stop talking so much,” Zayn ordered, but a playful tone lingered in his words. 

Harry drank half the glass before he set it aside. Then, Zayn handed him the TV remote and sat down next to him. Harry was surprised Zayn didn’t leave. 

Zayn stayed throughout Harry’s complaints of a headache, through Harry being sick in the bathroom, and throughout him having to take Caesar out to the bathroom because Harry didn’t have the strength to get off the couch. 

When Zayn returned from his second time taking Caesar out to the toilet, Harry moved closer to him and leaned against him when Zayn sat down on the couch. He wrapped his arms around Zayn’s middle. 

“Thank you, Zayn.” 

Zayn thought it was best he didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “’Thank you, Zayn’ isn’t going to get you out of this one,” he teased. 

Harry smiled and he held onto him. 

Zayn woke the next morning, or rather a few hours later, to Caesar licking his cheek. He squinted at the dog and the sunlight that was filling the room. Harry was asleep with his head on Zayn’s chest and his body between Zayn’s legs. Zayn didn’t remember when they fell asleep or how they ended up in that position.

Caesar whined. 

“Harry,” Zayn said. He ran a hand through the curls atop Harry’s head, “Caesar wants to go out. It’s your turn.” There was no way Harry was getting out of that one. 

Harry grumbled and hugged around Zayn’s lower back, pressing his face into Zayn’s stomach to block out the daylight. He mumbled something against Zayn and Zayn didn’t understand a word of it. 

Zayn was admittedly concerned. “Are you alright?” He ran his hand threw Harry’s curls and down the back of his neck. Maybe Harry didn’t have the strength to get up after being sick for a majority of the night. 

Harry finally turned his head to the side, but he didn’t make any notion to get up as he kept his cheek pressed against Zayn’s stomach. “I feel like death.” 

“You know what else feels like death?” Zayn questioned in response, “My back after sleeping on this couch.” 

Harry chuckled and Zayn felt the motion of his body shaking against his own body. “We could have stayed in the bedroom,” he mentioned. 

“I don’t know why we didn’t.” After the words left Zayn’s lips, he caught himself. He noted that he was too comfortable in Harry’s space. He was overstepping boundaries that he had only vaguely set. It was wrong for him to be that close to Harry. It would send the wrong message. 

Harry got up a minute later. He was still shirtless from when he had pulled off his shirt drunkenly, so he went into the bedroom and pulled on an oversized sweater. Zayn noted that he was disheveled, but still handsome as ever. He watched as Harry put his shoes on and got Caesar on his leash. 

When Harry was gone, Zayn got up and got himself together. He pulled his jacket on and laced up his boots. Harry returned to find him standing near the door. 

“Do you have to go?” Harry asked him. He let Caesar off the lead. 

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. I gotta get home.” Then, after a pause, he asked, “Are you gonna be alright on your own?” 

“This isn’t my first hangover,” Harry grinned, “I’ll be fine.” 

Zayn smiled. 

“Thank you,” Harry said. 

“No problem,” Zayn replied, “Maybe you’ll return the favor one day.”

“Count on it,” Harry smiled. 

* 

Zayn was surprised to find Louis at his house a few hours later. He was on the floor of the nursery as he studied instructions on how to put a crib together, when Louis came into the room. 

“What are you doing?” Louis asked. 

Zayn gestured to the pieces of crib that were spread out on the ground in front of him. “I can’t figure out which piece is A, so I’m obviously doing really well at building this damn thing.” 

“Not the crib,” Louis said, “I’m talking about your wife downstairs who thought it was weird that I came over after you had stayed the night at my place as she thought that we would have had enough of each other by now.” 

Zayn bit his lip. 

“You lied to her,” Louis accused. 

“I told her I was at your place,” Zayn granted. 

“What are you doing?” Louis asked. He was concerned. “Are you cheating on her with Harry?” 

Zayn’s eyes were wide. “No,” he answered, “What the hell?” he asked, shocked.

Louis watched him with caution. “Okay,” he said, and then paused, “Why didn’t you tell her where you were really?”

“She doesn’t know about Harry,” Zayn explained, “so I said I was at your place. It’s not that big of a lie.” 

“I think it’s a stupid thing to lie about. If Harry was just your friend, you would have told her the truth.” 

Zayn knew that Louis was right. He sighed and placed his hands over his face. Zayn heard the sounds of Louis moving to sit down next to him on the floor. 

“What’s going on?” Louis asked. 

Zayn opened two of his fingers and peeked at Louis. “I don’t want to tell her about Harry because he’s my soul mate.” 

It was Louis’ turn to wear large, surprised eyes. He looked to be in disbelief. “Oh. My. God.” 

Zayn nodded at Louis’ reaction. “Exactly.” He sighed. “I don’t know what to do.” 

Louis furrowed his brow. “What do you mean you don’t know? He’s your soul mate. You have to be with him.” 

Zayn shook his head. “She’s pregnant, Lou. That’s my baby. I can’t abandon her or this life we built together. I can’t do that.” 

Louis was surprised. He leaned back against the wall to take in all the information that was being presented to him. “You would really pass up on the chance to be with your soul mate for someone who will never compare, because of a life you built together?” he questioned. 

Zayn nodded. 

“You can build a new life,” Louis insisted, “And you don’t have to be with Perrie to be a good Dad to your kid, Zayn.” 

Zayn contemplated for a moment. “What would you do?” he asked. Zayn remembered what Louis had said about wishing he had found his soul mate.

“You met Harry at the bar that night we were out with Liam and Niall, right?” Louis asked, rhetorically, “I would have gone home with him that night. I wouldn’t have left his side for the next month.” 

“What about Sophia?” Zayn asked. He knew that Louis cared about her. 

“What about her?” Louis questioned, “She isn’t my soul mate. She never will be. I promise you that if I ever find my soul mate, I am going to be with that person.” 

“What if you had a child with her?” Zayn asked, “What if she was pregnant?” 

“Like I said, you don’t have to be with your child’s mother to be a good father.” 

It was quiet for a moment before Zayn spoke again. He told Louis about the night he and Harry kissed and what had happened after. 

“I can’t believe he agreed to be your friend, even though he clearly wants more, just to make you happy,” Louis noted, “That’s love.” 

Zayn knew that Harry cared about him. He cared enough to put Zayn’s happiness before his own. Zayn’s heart hurt when he thought about it. 

Louis helped Zayn put the crib together and they didn’t talk about Harry anymore that afternoon. 

When Louis left to go home, Zayn went down to the kitchen to find Perrie in her house slippers and pajamas. She was making spaghetti. 

“Is it done?” she asked him. Her eyes were bright with excitement. 

Zayn nodded. “It’s done.” 

Perrie’s smile only grew as she hugged him and gave him a squeeze. Zayn noted the absence of warmth when she hugged him. There was nothing stirring in his chest. Her arms didn’t feel strong and her shoulders weren’t broad. 

“You okay?” Perrie asked when she stepped back. “Hungover?” 

Zayn shrugged. He hadn’t drunk that much the night before. He felt tired, but more so from staying up with Harry during the night, and not from a hangover. “Tired,” he admitted, before he leaned back against the countertop. 

Perrie stirred the boiling noodles before she looked back to him. “Well thank you for building the crib even though you likely didn’t feel like it,” she said, sweetly. 

“Anything for you,” Zayn told her. 

It was something that he always said to her and he always meant it. He would do anything for her. But at that particular moment, the words felt meaningless. They felt mundane and routine. 

Zayn planned to call it an early night. He was exhausted from the night before. But, before he went to sleep, he wanted to check in on Harry. Zayn sat against the headboard of his and Perrie’s bed and he texted him. He waited nearly thirty minutes for a response and received nothing. Zayn figured that Harry must have called it an early night as well and went to sleep. 

* 

Zayn didn’t hear from Harry for the next three days. He stopped by the shop during his lunch, or after work, but he never found Harry there. Zayn started to believe that Harry was avoiding him. Perhaps he had decided that it was too painful to build a friendship with Zayn when he wanted more than that. Zayn wouldn’t blame him if he wanted nothing to do with him after everything he had put Harry through. 

Harry finally replied to his texts on Wednesday afternoon. Zayn was at his desk at work, eating a granola bar over his keyboard because he had skipped lunch again, when he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled the phone out of his desk drawer and opened the message. 

It read: Sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ll call you in a few days. 

Zayn wanted to know more. He wanted to call Harry and ask him what was going on. But, he knew that he didn’t deserve an answer to that question. Harry didn’t owe him a thing and Zayn had made sure of that when he drew the line in their relationship and said they could only be friends. Zayn replied and agreed to talk to Harry in a few days. He didn’t press him for details even though he was starting to feel like he couldn’t breath. 

In the early hours of Thursday morning, Zayn found himself awake in bed. He was restless. Perrie was sound asleep next to him. Nonetheless, Zayn felt his stomach coil. It wasn’t a feeling he could explain and it wasn’t rational either, but he knew that the feeling of dread he felt in his stomach had to do with Harry. 

Zayn hurried downstairs with his phone in his hand. He stepped out onto the patio with bare feet and called Harry as he was surrounded with brisk, clammy morning air. 

“Hello?” Harry didn’t sound like he had been asleep. “Why are you calling me at three A.M, Zayn?” 

Zayn was relieved to hear his voice. “I have this feeling that something is wrong.” 

Harry was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke again. “I don’t know what feeling your having, but everything is fine.” 

It wasn’t fine. Harry would’ve have been asleep had everything been fine. 

“I’m concerned,” Zayn tried, “I feel it, Harry, and I only feel things with my whole body when it’s to do with you.” 

“I’m flattered, Zayn, really, but –“ Harry paused, “I’m getting another call,” he said, suddenly, “Let me call you back.” 

Harry didn’t let Zayn reply before he ended the call. Zayn was more concerned to hear that someone else was calling Harry at that time in the morning then Harry having hung up on him. Good news didn’t come in the middle of the night. 

Zayn sat downstairs in his living room and waited for what seemed to be hours before Harry called back. He answered as quickly as he could. 

“You were right,” Harry said. 

Harry had insisted that he was fine during their phone call and that Zayn didn’t need to do anything to comfort him, but Zayn still made it a point to stop at the flower shop before work that morning. 

“We’re closed,” Harry told him when Zayn let himself inside. 

“Never been good at following rules,” Zayn shrugged. “Are you okay?” he asked. Zayn stood and studied Harry’s face. He held out his arms, “Come here.” 

Zayn stepped around the counter and gathered Harry in his arms. Harry was reluctant at first, his body stiff under Zayn’s touch, but he soon gave in and wrapped his arms around Zayn. Zayn could feel the weight lifting from Harry’s shoulders as the man in his arms sighed. 

When they parted, Harry’s eyes were wet. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry,” he sighed, clearly annoyed, before he wiped at his face with his hands. 

Zayn watched him with sad eyes. It wasn’t quite the same and it couldn’t be, but Zayn felt like he knew what Harry was experiencing – if the pain in his chest was any indication. “It’s okay to cry, Harry. He was your uncle.” 

Harry nodded. “Zayn, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you called and said you felt like something wasn’t right,” Harry started, “That was my Mom calling when I was on the phone with you and she told me the news.” 

“That doesn’t matter now,” Zayn said, “I want you to know that I’m here for you. For whatever you need.” 

A comfortable silence fell between them. Zayn watched Harry carefully. After the pause, Harry spoke. “The funeral is on Saturday.” 

“Where?” Zayn asked. He wanted to go with Harry if Harry would let him. 

“It’s upstate,” Harry explained, “Two and a half hour drive. I’m leaving Friday afternoon. I’ll stay the night at my Mom’s on Friday and Saturday. Drive back on Sunday.” 

“Let me come with you.” 

The words left Zayn’s mouth before his brain had the time to process them. Harry seemed to notice the lack of thought process, because he watched Zayn with a raised brow. “You didn’t even know him.” 

“But I know you,” Zayn insisted, “and I want to be there for you.” He could see that Harry was about to reject his offer and that he had a wall up, so he asked, “Why are you being distant?” 

Harry took a breath. He looked to be annoyed at the question. “I’m keeping you at an arm’s length because I have to, Zayn.” 

Zayn knew that Harry was right. He didn’t want to be hurt and if he got too close to Zayn, he would be. He turned to go and Harry was caught by surprise. 

“Where are you going?” Harry asked him, “We weren’t finished.” 

“I have to go to work,” Zayn lied, he had plenty of time before he would be late, “I’ll meet you here. Friday afternoon.” 

Just as Zayn reached the door, Harry called for him. Zayn looked over his shoulder. “4 o’clock,” Harry told him, “Don’t be late.”


	3. The Whole World

“You’re going away with him for the weekend.” Louis observed Zayn with curious, playful eyes. “That’s pretty serious.” 

“It isn’t some romantic getaway,” Zayn insisted, “His uncle died and I asked to go the funeral with him because I want to be there for him.” 

Louis didn’t back down. “Things are going to be different after the weekend, Zayn. You know that, don’t you?” 

Zayn wasn’t sure what Louis was trying to tell him. 

“It’s going to be different for you to see him around his family. You’ll see what he’s like when he’s miserable, how he treats his mother, who he loves the most –“ 

Zayn had experienced Harry at a certain level of low that night Harry had drank too much, but Zayn had never seen him miserable. He didn’t want to admit it, but Louis was right. Zayn liked the idea of seeing more sides of Harry and to see what he was like around his family. It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t nervous, however. 

Louis paused as he saw the look of consideration on Zayn’s face. He took a drag of his cigarette. “How’s it going with you two?” 

Zayn took a sip of his water before he answered. “Harry got distant after I stayed over. I didn’t properly speak to him for days before he told me that he was sorry he had been distant and that we would talk soon.” Louis nodded. “Then, Thursday morning I woke up in the middle of the night. I felt like I couldn’t breath. My stomach was in a knot. I knew that something wasn’t right. I called him and told him only to have him tell me he was fine. Then, a few minutes later, his mother called him and told him about his uncle’s death.” 

Louis was surprised. “How did you know?” 

Zayn shrugged. “I didn’t. I didn’t know anything specifically. I just felt like something was wrong and I knew it was something to do with him.” 

“That’s some crazy kind of connection,” Louis noted. 

Zayn nodded. He knew that he was lucky to have that kind of connection with Harry. He was lucky to have found his soul mate. “I know things will probably change this weekend,” Zayn began. He looked at Louis with hesitance. “But what if I told you that they already have?” 

Louis leaned in and crossed his arms on the table. “I’m listening.” 

“It’s getting harder for me to respect boundaries,” Zayn admitted, “We slept on the couch together when I stayed over at his place. I didn’t do anything to stop it. I could’ve pushed him away. I could have gone home,” Zayn paused and sighed, “But I didn’t want to.” 

Louis didn’t say anything. 

“I’m married,” Zayn continued, “I shouldn’t have let that happen. I shouldn’t have held him like that. I shouldn’t have let him hold me,” he looked to be annoyed with himself, “What am I doing?” 

“It’s only going to get worse, Zayn,” Louis supplied, “You can’t keep fighting it. You want to be with him.” Louis looked at his friend with a frown. “You have to talk to Perrie.” 

“I do.” 

Zayn knew that Louis was right. He couldn’t keep fighting against what nature had decided for him. Harry was his person. He was the person that Zayn would always crave. Perrie couldn’t compare and it wasn’t fair for her not to know that reality. 

“When we get back on Sunday, I’ll talk to her.” 

*

Zayn was at the flower shop at four o’clock on the dot. He approached the shop to find Harry stood on the sidewalk in front of the shop with a blonde woman. His car was parked on the curb and the trunk was open. 

“You’re here.” It was clear that Harry was surprised, but Zayn picked up on what wasn’t clear, too. He saw the hint of gratitude on the other man’s face.

“Don’t act surprised,” Zayn teased, “I told you I was going with whether you liked it or not.” 

The blonde chuckled lightly. 

“Not surprised,” Harry noted, “But I am suddenly wishing I didn’t wait for you.” Harry took Zayn’s bag and walked around to the trunk of the car to put it away. 

“Zayn, that’s Cara. Cara, Zayn.” 

Zayn turned to Cara and smiled. “Hi.” She was Harry’s best friend. Zayn remembered Harry telling him that. “Nice to meet you.” 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, too,” Cara smiled. She stepped closer and hugged Zayn. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” she added, when she stepped back. Zayn noted how beautiful she was. 

“Like what?” he asked. 

“No time,” Harry interrupted, “We gotta get going if we wanna make it there before dinner.” 

Zayn could see that Harry didn’t want Cara to say anything, so he played along and didn’t push it. Harry hugged his friend tight. She whispered something to him that Zayn didn’t hear. Then, they got into the car. 

Zayn was surprised to feel a wet nose at his ear when he sat down in the passenger’s seat of Harry’s car. He turned his head and saw Caesar. 

“I didn’t know he was coming,” Zayn said. He reached back and stroked the excited pup. 

“It was too short notice to find anyone to watch him,” Harry explained as he pulled the car away from the curb and into the lane, “and I don’t really trust any of my friends that much.” 

“Would you trust me to watch him while you were away?” Zayn asked. He was curious. 

Harry shrugged, “Probably. He already likes you and you understand his ‘I have to go out to the toilet’ face.” 

Zayn chuckled. “Sure do.” 

“I don’t know what to say about that night,” Harry went on. Zayn could see that he was embarrassed. “I was a mess and I was all over you and –“ 

“Is that why you weren’t talking to me?” 

Harry was quiet a moment. “Kind of. I also had a lot of other stuff on my mind, like my Uncle.” 

“You didn’t tell me.” 

“I didn’t tell anyone.” Harry took his eyes off the road for a moment and glanced at Zayn. 

Zayn caught his eye. “You can tell me anything, Harry. Always.” 

They shared a look of understanding. Harry held onto the steering wheel with one hand and reached for Zayn with the other, but just as his hand was about to touch Zayn’s thigh – he pulled it back to his own lap and caught himself.

Zayn wanted to tell Harry that it was okay to touch him. Zayn wanted to touch Harry, too. He wanted to be close to him. Zayn wanted to tell Harry that he was right. They were meant to be. Zayn wanted them to figure out how that could work as much as Harry did. 

They were silent for some time. The radio played oldies and Caesar snored softly in the backseat. Zayn didn’t mean to, but he dozed off. When he woke, the car was parked and they were at a gas station. He got out of the car to stretch his legs. 

“Hey.” Harry leaned against the car as he supervised the gas nozzle. He was handsome in an effortless way with his lived-in curls and casual T-shirt and jeans. 

“Hey.” Zayn stroked Caesar’s head where it hung out of the backseat window as he looked at Harry. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright.” Harry put the nozzle back and closed up the gas tank. “Guess I was boring you,” he teased. 

“Not a chance,” Zayn grinned, “But let me make it up to you.” 

Harry raised an eyebrow. “How?” 

“Road trip snacks,” Zayn smiled, “What do you want?” 

Harry chuckled, “Okay, that’s fair. Lets see what they have.” 

The two of them went into the gas station and perused the aisles until they found the specific candies and chips they wanted. As promised, Zayn paid the bill. 

“I can drive if you want a break,” Zayn offered on their way back to the car. 

“Maybe later,” Harry said. 

Zayn got back into the car and buckled his seatbelt before looking at Harry. 

“You keep looking at me like that,” Harry said when they were back on the road. 

Zayn furrowed his brow. “Like what?” 

“I don’t know.” He sounded upset. “You’re looking at me like you’re worried about me. You look like you’re holding your breath after every sentence in case you said the wrong thing and I’m upset.”

“I’m not trying to look at you or treat you any different,” Zayn tried to tell him. 

“But you are,” Harry insisted. 

Zayn was annoyed. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not trying to treat you any different than I always have, but obviously something happened and it hurt you –“ 

“I’m not fragile,” Harry interrupted, “You don’t have to be careful that you’ll say the wrong thing and it’ll upset me. Say whatever you want to say. Do whatever you want to do.” He looked at Zayn. “I’d rather have you be yourself and piss me off then you –“ 

Caesar barked in the back seat and they both jumped at the sudden sound. Zayn turned and looked at the dog. 

“What is it?” Harry asked. He couldn’t turn to look at the dog, but he was concerned. 

“Yup,” Zayn said, turning back to face forward in his seat, “That’s his ‘I gotta go out to the toilet’ face.” 

Harry groaned. 

He pulled the car over onto the side of the road a few moments later. Zayn got out and opened the back door for Caesar. He walked the dog down the small hill of grass on the side of the interstate. There was nothing but open fields around them. 

Zayn was surprised when Harry got out of the car and walked towards them. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. The sun was setting and the final rays of sunlight managed to make Harry appear more handsome then he already was. He closed the space between them until he was inches from Zayn and was able to pull Zayn into his chest and wrap his arms around him. Zayn sighed against Harry’s body and it took only a moment for his hands to make fists in Harry’s T-shirt as he held him tight.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Me too.” 

They stayed that way for longer then necessary. Zayn felt at ease in Harry’s arms and he hoped that he created that safe space for Harry too. 

“What was that you were saying about me being myself and pissing you off?” Zayn questioned when they got back into the car. 

Harry chuckled and Zayn joined him. 

There was a lull in conversation as Zayn changed the radio stations until he found a song he liked. Harry didn’t mind what they listened to. 

“So what is she like?” Harry asked. 

Zayn furrowed his brow. “Who?” 

“Your girlfriend,” Harry clarified, “You’ve never told me anything about her.” 

They had talked about all sorts of things but Perrie was the one subject Zayn always avoided. 

“What do you want to know?” Zayn asked. He was nervous to talk about Perrie and he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t want Harry to compare himself to her. It wasn’t a competition, but Harry had already won. “She’s kind,” Zayn explained, “She likes to laugh. She’s funny.” 

Harry nodded. “What made you fall in love with her?” 

Zayn looked out of the passenger’s side window. He wasn’t in love with her and he didn’t know how to answer the question. “The first thing we had in common was that we both like to laugh.” 

Harry nodded another time. “That’s a good thing to share.” 

Zayn wished they could talk about something else. He didn’t want to talk about Perrie. 

“So, what’s the plan for this weekend?” Zayn asked before Harry could ask any other questions about his wife. 

“The funeral is tomorrow around noon,” Harry explained, “There’s a church service and then they’ll be a lunch after.” Zayn nodded. “Saturday night we’re going bowling.” 

Zayn was surprised to hear that. “Bowling?” 

“It was one of my Uncle’s favorite things,” Harry told him, “I agreed to go with a few of my cousins. We won’t be out late. If you don’t want to go –“ 

“I want to,” Zayn was quick to say, “I wanna get to know your family.” 

Harry smiled as he stole a glance at Zayn. 

*

They switched seats at the halfway point to Harry’s mom’s house and Zayn drove the rest of the way. When they arrived at the house, Harry’s mom was quick to come outside to greet them. 

Harry let Caesar out of the car and he ran to Harry’s mother and her dog. The two dogs chased each other and Zayn smiled as he watched them. Harry hugged his mother tight and Zayn gave them a moment alone. 

“Mom, this is Zayn.” Harry’s hand rested on Zayn’s shoulder as he introduced him to his mother. “Zayn, this is my mom, Anne.” 

Zayn smiled politely and he hugged her. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry about your brother.” 

Anne smiled softly. “Thank you,” she said, “I wish that we were meeting in different circumstances, Zayn. But thank you for coming. It’s nice to meet you and to have you here with us.” 

Harry watched their exchange with a smile on his lips. “The fur ball chasing Caesar is Mom’s dog Molly,” he said as he gestured to the two dogs as they played. 

The three of them turned at the sound of the screen door on the house. Zayn was sure that it was Harry’s sister. He could see the resemblance. 

“And this is Gemma,” Harry smiled as he wrapped his arm around his sister’s shoulder. 

“Hi, Zayn,” she smiled, “Thanks for coming.” 

“Thanks for having me,” Zayn replied, “I’m sorry about your Uncle.” 

Gemma wore the same sad smile that her mother did. “Thanks.” 

“You boys are just in time for dinner,” Anne told them, gesturing for them to come inside, “Come eat. You can get your bags later.” 

Zayn was happy to sit down to dinner with Anne and Gemma. He felt warm around them and in the cottage Anne owned. It was a small, cozy space and Zayn found it to be faultless. He felt like it was his hundredth visit and not the first. 

Gemma and Anne asked him polite questions at dinner. Zayn was happy to answer their questions. He told them about his career, his family, his college experiences, and about anything they wanted to know. Harry spoke about the shop and how it was doing. He talked about Cara and even mentioned having made friends with Zayn’s friends. 

After dinner Harry went outside to get their bags from the car. Zayn stayed in the kitchen with Anne. 

“Thank you for dinner,” he told her while he helped clear the table, “It was really lovely.” 

Anne beamed at him. “You’re welcome for dinner anytime, Zayn.” 

He had only known Anne for all of an hour, but Zayn felt comfortable around her. Her presence was uplifting and kind. 

Zayn helped Anne put the dishes in the dishwasher. She rinsed them in the sink and handed them to him to put into the washer. When they were finished, the two of them noticed Harry and Gemma through the glass sliding door that led to the back porch. The siblings laughed as they chased the dogs in the backyard. 

“And he said he was getting the bags from the car,” Zayn remarked with a playful, teasing tone. 

Anne considered him with kind regard. “What’s it like?” 

Zayn turned to face her. “What do you mean?” 

Anne gestured to Harry with her eyes before she looked back to Zayn.

“Oh.” Zayn glanced at Harry and then back to Anne. “It’s amazing.” 

Anne smiled. 

“I know it sounds cliché and you could probably read it in any book on soul mates, but he feels like home,” Zayn described, “If my home was a person, it would be Harry. I feel safe when we’re together.” Zayn was surprised to find himself sharing so much with Anne. “It’s like no matter what, I’ve got him. It’s really nice to know that there is someone who will always be on your side, looking out for you, wanting to take care of you –“ Zayn finished with a shrug. He could have gone on for hours, but he refrained. 

Anne didn’t say anything. She smiled and looked out the window at her adult children acting like they were kids again. 

“I never met my soul mate.” 

Zayn listened. 

“Harry and Gemma’s father wasn’t my soul mate and that’s also the reason that we aren’t together now.” 

“What happened?” Zayn asked. 

“He met Her,” Anne shared, “He was going to the mall, to a sports store because we enrolled Harry in soccer classes and he needed cleats, and he ran into his soul mate. Just like that.” 

Zayn wondered what that had been like for Anne. 

“I didn’t blame him. He couldn’t go against what Mother Nature had already decided. He wanted to be with her and even though I loved him, I let him go.” 

“That must have been difficult.” 

Anne nodded. “It was.” She sighed. “I know it was difficult for Harry and Gemma, too. He tried to keep in touch with them but the time between each call only grew until Harry stopped answering the phone. He was angry and he had a right to be. Gemma did the same.” 

Zayn didn’t have anything to say. Harry hadn’t told him about his father.

“What about your parents?” 

“They’re not soul mates,” Zayn answered, “but they love each other.” 

Anne smiled softly. “I hope it works out.” 

“Me too.” 

The phone rang and Anne went to answer it. Zayn stepped onto the porch outside. Harry saw him and smiled. He was out of breath and pushed his hair out of his face as he paused the game. 

“I figured Caesar could use some exercise,” Harry said when he approached Zayn, “He’ll bug us all night if he’s not tired enough to sleep.” 

“And you thought running the shop was hard. Caesar is the real challenge from that two for one deal,” Zayn said. His tone was playful. 

Harry laughed. It was a beautiful sound. “What did my mom tell you?” he asked after a pause, “Don’t believe a thing she says. That woman doesn’t know anything about me. She’s also notorious for making me seem like a great son when I’m mediocre at best.” 

Zayn picked up on the playfulness in Harry’s tone of voice. He chuckled. It was nice to see Harry being playful and to see that sparkle in his eyes again.

Zayn joined the game Gemma and Harry played with the dogs. The three of them ran around in the grass until it was dark outside and the mosquitoes came out. 

Harry led Zayn up to the room they would be staying in when they finally came inside for the night. He carried both their bags and kicked the door open with his foot. Zayn noticed that there was only one Queen sized bed in the room. 

Harry set the bags down before he explained. “I think my Mom sort of assumed we’d share a room, seeing as we’re soul mates,” he started, “I never got a chance to explain the situation.” 

Zayn didn’t blame Anne for assuming he and Harry would share a room and bed. She assumed they were a couple and that was the norm. “We’ve shared smaller,” Zayn reminded with a grin, to lighten the mood. 

“The couch.” Harry nodded as he remembered. “That wasn’t the most comfortable.” 

“You used me as a pillow,” Zayn remarked, “Which one of us do you think was more uncomfortable?” 

Harry laughed. 

The two of them showered before calling it a night. Zayn used the bathroom attached to their room while Harry used the extra bath downstairs. Zayn finished first. He got into bed and he waited for Harry to come back. He chose the side of the bed against the wall so that Harry wouldn’t have to crawl over him when he came to bed. 

Harry came into the room a little while later. Zayn put his phone down and studied Harry as he put some of his clothes away in the dresser. He looked like he was upset. 

“You okay?” Zayn sat up against the headboard. 

“I’m fine.” Harry shut the light off and came over to the bed. 

There was enough moonlight seeping through the window that Zayn could still see him. “You don’t sound or look fine.” 

Harry got into the bed and turned his back to Zayn. “Let it go, Zayn. You don’t need to know everything.” 

“Maybe not. But I do have to be myself and piss you off, right?” he asked, mimicking what Harry had said earlier that day. 

Silence fell. Zayn wondered if Harry really was angry with him. Then, he noticed Harry’s frame was shaking. Harry turned to his lie on his back and he laughed. 

“God, you’re an ass,” Zayn claimed, but he couldn’t stop the laugh that fought his lips. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry said when he calmed down. “I know I’m a pain, but so are you. You have so many questions.” 

“And you have little to no answers.” 

“That must be why we’re made for each other.” 

Zayn smiled softly. He moved to lie down on his side next to Harry. 

“I’m only teasing,” Harry told him. He flipped to his side too. 

“I know,” Zayn said, “I was teasing, too. But not about the part about you being an ass. I stand behind that.” 

Harry chuckled. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to cheer me up.” 

“I want you to be happy and smiling. Can you blame me?” 

The tone of their conversation was playful, but Zayn’s admittance caused a seriousness to settle. 

“No.” Harry adjusted his pillow so that he was closer to Zayn. Zayn felt Harry’s ankle slip between his own.

Zayn watched him carefully. “What happened?” 

“I was talking to my Mom.” Harry sighed, “I’m worried about her. Gemma moved out last year and she was really close to my Uncle. Now she’s all alone on this giant property. The closest neighbor is like ten miles down the road.” 

“We can come visit more. It’s not that far.” Zayn caught himself when it was already too late. He had said we. It felt so natural that he hadn’t thought twice about it. 

“We?” Harry had picked up on Zayn’s word choice. 

Zayn was about to make an excuse and say that he meant to say something else, when there was a scratch at the door. 

Harry’s eyes went wide as he realized that they had left Caesar downstairs. “We are the worst people.” He quickly got up and opened the door for the terrier. 

Zayn watched as Caesar jumped up onto the bed and came over to him. The dog decided that the best place for him was Zayn’s chest apparently. 

Harry laughed as he came back to the bed. “Hey,” he playfully addressed Caesar, “get your own soul mate. This one’s mine.” 

Zayn chuckled as Harry got back into bed and pushed at Caesar until the dog gave in and curled up by Harry’s feet. 

“Where were we?” Harry watched Zayn from his pillow. “Oh yeah, you used ‘we’.” 

“So did you.” 

They were quiet as they stared at one another and grinned. 

“Alright,” Harry said. “We’ll call this one a draw.” 

*

They both fell asleep quickly. Zayn was woken up a short while later to the sound of Caesar’s whines. He propped himself up on his elbow to try and get a look at the dog that had moved to the floor. “What is it?” he asked him. Caesar whined another time. Zayn wanted to wake Harry and ask him if he knew what Caesar wanted, but he quickly realized Harry wasn’t in the bed any longer when he reached for his shoulder only to find a cold sheet. 

Harry came out of the bathroom a moment later. He rubbed at his eyes. “I got up so fast I spooked him,” he explained to Zayn. 

Zayn wasn’t sure what had happened. He watched as Harry lay back down and Caesar came over to him. Harry hugged the dog to his chest and Caesar seemed to calm down. When Caesar moved back to his spot at the bottom of the bed, Harry flipped to his side to face Zayn again. 

“I had a bad dream,” Harry told him, “Caesar woke me up.” 

Zayn was surprised. He gently cupped Harry’s cheek with his hand and regarded him with concern. 

Harry placed his hand on top of Zayn’s. Warmth moved from the touch and into Zayn’s wrist. “I’m fine. It was just a dream.” 

Zayn felt sorry that he hadn’t been there for Harry when he had the bad dream. “What was the dream about?” He pulled his hand back and Harry let him. 

“Believe it or not,” Harry said, “I was trying to save you. You were falling. I couldn’t quite reach you and I was in a panic that I’d lose you. It felt so real.” A tear slipped from Harry’s eye. He wiped it away quickly.

Zayn had had those dreams before. He had had one about his father when he was a kid. They were frightening. He didn’t want to upset Harry by talking about it any longer. “I’m not going anywhere.” Zayn pressed his forehead to Harry’s. “I promise you.” 

Harry wrapped an arm over Zayn and closed his eyes. He pulled Zayn closer. Zayn didn’t make any effort to pull away. If anything, he moved closer. 

Zayn woke to the sounds of birds outside the window. He didn’t experience that in the city. The sun wasn’t quite out yet, but the room was growing brighter. It took him a moment to remember what had happened the night before. He recalled Harry’s dream and how Harry had pulled him close against his body before they fell asleep. 

Harry was asleep with his back to Zayn. Zayn peeked over his shoulder to confirm that Harry was still asleep. He moved closer and pressed his chest up against Harry’s back as he slipped one arm over Harry’s body. 

Harry stirred. His hand moved to grip the arm that Zayn had over him. Zayn was nervous for a moment. He wondered if Harry would push him away when he fully woke and realized what Zayn was doing. Then, Zayn felt Harry’s thumb sliding back and forth over the skin on his arm. 

“Is this okay?” Harry asked. His voice was just barely above a whisper. 

“Yes.” 

Harry was content with that answer. He didn’t pull away. Neither did Zayn. 

Zayn fell back to sleep in a cocoon of warmth and safety. He woke a few hours later and he was alone. 

Zayn washed up and then he went downstairs to find Harry. He found Harry in the backyard with the dogs. He was wearing an oversized sweater and his sweatpants. His hair was messy from how he slept. He looked perfect. Zayn snuck up on Harry and wrapped his arms around him from behind. He smiled when his chin rested on Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry sighed, “You scared me.” 

Zayn chuckled. “Now you’re really awake, right?” he teased. 

Harry smiled softly at Zayn’s teasing. Then, his smile was replaced by a look of uncertainty. Zayn reasoned that the night before and that morning likely confused Harry. He let Harry go and stepped back.

Zayn reached for Harry’s hand and he held it with his own. Harry’s smile returned and they shared a glance. Zayn wanted to explain himself. He knew that he owed that to Harry. “About last night –“ 

“Good morning, losers!” Harry and Zayn turned to find Gemma standing on the porch in her pajamas. “Mom wants to take the dogs into the forest for a walk. Do you love birds want to come?” 

Harry looked to Zayn. Zayn nodded. Harry looked back to Gemma, “Sure, Gem.” 

“We’re leaving in fifteen minutes,” she said. 

Gemma went back inside and Harry turned to Zayn again. “You don’t have to explain, Zayn. I know.” 

Zayn furrowed his brow. He wanted to know what Harry knew, but Harry had already let go of his hand and went back inside. Zayn followed him up to their room. 

“What exactly do you know?” Zayn questioned, as they hurried to get dressed for the walk. 

Harry turned to face him after he had pulled his shirt on. “You felt bad for me,” he reasoned, “You weren’t being intimate because you changed your mind about only being friends. I had a bad dream and you wanted to comfort me. You don’t have to explain. I get it.” 

Zayn found himself angry at Harry’s answer for him behaving the way he did. “I wasn’t trying to pity you, Harry, I –“ 

“I know that. But you can’t help it. You already feel bad about my Uncle and then I had the bad dream.”

Harry had convinced himself and it made Zayn want to scream because that wasn’t it. He hadn’t held Harry because he pitied him. He had done it because he wanted to be close to him. 

“You’re wrong,” Zayn started. He paused as he heard Gemma yelling for them from downstairs. 

Harry looked confused. He turned to the closet and pulled out a warmer coat for Zayn. “Here.” 

Zayn took the coat and slipped it on. 

“We can talk about this later,” Zayn offered. 

*

They were quiet as they walked with Anne, Gemma, and the dogs. Zayn could sense Harry’s uncertainty. 

Harry slipped in a particularly muddy patch of the path and Zayn was quick to reach out and steady him so that Harry didn’t fall into the mud. Harry sighed and looked grateful. He was uncharacteristically quiet after that. Zayn wished that he would say something. 

“I was wrong?” Harry finally asked. Anne and Gemma had walked ahead of them. 

Zayn sighed in relief. Harry finally spoke. “I didn’t act like that because I was pitying you. I do not pity you. I’m worried about you, but I’m not pitying you.” 

Harry listened. 

“Zayn! Harry! You’re falling behind,” Anne called. 

Zayn spoke softly. “I acted like that because I wanted to, not because I felt bad for you.” He didn’t have much time to explain so he hoped that was enough. 

Harry regarded him with a curiosity in his eyes. He didn’t quite understand. Zayn took Harry’s hand into his own. Harry looked down to their hands together and while he still didn’t seem to be satisfied with Zayn’s explanation, he didn’t make any move to pull away. 

“What do you think about Caesar?” Anne asked. Zayn walked with Anne as Gemma and Harry played fetch with the dogs ahead of them. 

“He’s a good dog.” Zayn genuinely liked Caesar and he hoped that Caesar liked him too.

“That’s good. I wouldn’t want that to be an issue when you and Harry move in together,” Anne explained. 

“Move in together?” Zayn questioned. He hadn’t even considered moving in with Harry yet. He had only just realized that he wanted to be in a relationship with Harry. 

“You don’t have to be modest,” Anne smiled, “I know Harry’s already been making you dinner and you’ve been staying over at his place.” 

Zayn was surprised to hear that. “What has he told you?” he questioned. 

Anne shrugged playfully. “You like his cooking,” she went on, “You don’t mind taking Caesar out to the toilet. You took care of him when he drank too much.” 

Zayn nodded. Those things were all true. 

“I’m so glad that he’s found you,” Anne sighed, “Harry has wanted to meet his soul mate since he knew what they were. He has so much love in him and he wants to pour that into a relationship. I know he would give you the whole world if he could.” 

Zayn felt guilty. Anne was so happy for them and relieved for her son to have met his other half. If she knew the truth, she would be disappointed. His guilt didn’t stop him from imagining the kind of boyfriend Harry would be, however. Zayn pictured Harry cooking for him whenever he had time. He pictured coming home to love notes and flowers. 

“I feel like I already have the whole world because I met him.”


	4. I Want You

Zayn could sense reluctance in Harry on the way to the church for the funeral service. His hands were in fists on his thighs and he sat straighter than Zayn had ever seen him sit. Zayn’s chest ached for him. He knew that it was hard to say goodbye to a loved one. Zayn reached over in the backseat of Anne’s car and he gently touched Harry’s thigh. “I’m here for you,” he reminded, “Anything you need.” Zayn’s voice was soft and compassionate. 

Harry smiled sadly when he looked at Zayn. He placed his hand on top of Zayn’s. “Thank you.” 

The service was like any other funeral service that Zayn had attended. The priest led a prayer and then asked for someone to speak on behalf of the dead. Gemma had a few words prepared. 

Zayn sat next to Harry in the pew. He glanced at him as Gemma spoke about their Uncle and how special he was. Zayn listened and he found his eyes tearing as Gemma’s voice became wet and she had to pause. 

Harry reached for Zayn’s hand. Zayn didn’t object. He laced his fingers with Harry’s and squeezed Harry’s hand in support. Harry’s face and nose became red when he cried. Zayn tried not to look at him so that he wouldn’t cry too. He let go of Harry’s hand and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders. Harry leaned against him. 

Harry was glued to Zayn’s side the rest of the service and during the reception that followed. He was quiet and he held onto Zayn’s hand whenever he could. Zayn didn’t mind. He had come to the funeral to support Harry and he intended to do that in whatever way Harry needed him to. 

Harry livened up when they returned to his mother’s house. He seemed to be breathing easier and Caesar jumped into his lap as he sat on the couch. Caesar had a way of knowing when Harry needed him. Zayn smiled at the interaction. 

“Zayn, you have to see this.” 

Zayn turned at the sound of Gemma’s voice. She was pointing to a picture on the fireplace mantle. “No way.” He picked up the photo to get a better look. 

Harry groaned as he realized what picture Zayn was inspecting. 

“Your hair was so long.” Zayn looked back to Harry. 

“That was years ago.” He seemed to be embarrassed by the hairstyle. 

“Why did you cut it?” Zayn asked. He put the photo back onto the mantle and went to sit next to Harry. 

“I only grew it out to be able to donate it.” 

Zayn was surprised to hear that Harry had done that. He knew that Harry had a good heart and that was another reason why. “That’s kind of you.” 

“What if he grew it out again, Zayn?” Gemma questioned, “You’d dump him for sure, wouldn’t you?” 

She was only teasing, but Zayn’s answer sounded more serious than he meant it to. “Never.” He looked at Harry and smiled. “You look good to me no matter what.” 

Harry’s cheeks flushed. He seemed to be embarrassed by Zayn’s words in front of his sister. He caught sight of Gemma’s smirk and playfully glared at her. “You two talk about me all you want,” he started, before he stood, “I’m gonna change.” 

Zayn let Harry have a moment to himself before he went upstairs. He changed while Harry was in the bathroom. Harry was surprised to find him sitting on the bed when he returned. 

“Hey.” 

Zayn smiled. “Hey.” 

Harry sat down next to him and he didn’t take his eyes off of Zayn’s. Zayn felt shy under Harry’s direct and intense eye contact. He touched Harry’s thigh softly to prompt him to say something. 

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Harry started. His placed his hand on top of Zayn’s. “You didn’t have to come with me this weekend and you didn’t have to pick me up and get me back on my feet again. But you did. And I’m so grateful for that.”

Zayn felt obligated to help Harry. Harry was his other half. 

“You would have done the same for me.” 

Zayn’s words hung in the air. Harry nodded. “Damn right,” he said, “I would do anything for you.” 

There was nothing about his tone that was playful. Zayn felt Harry’s words deep in his gut. He knew that Harry sincerely meant what he said. His words were both wonderful and terrifying.

* 

Harry, Zayn, and Gemma met up with three of Harry and Gemma’s cousins later that night for bowling. Zayn was tired, but he insisted on attending bowling because it meant so much to Harry. It was another way they were saying goodbye to their Uncle. 

Zayn wasn’t great at bowling. Harry was and he let everyone know. He was a little overenthusiastic at each spare or strike he bowled, but Zayn only smiled and cheered him on each time. He didn’t dare take away any of Harry’s happiness that night. 

Harry returned to sit next to Zayn after his turn. “You’re having a good time, right?” he asked. 

Zayn nodded. “Of course,” he said, “This is great. What about you?” 

“I’m having a blast.” 

Zayn grinned because he could see that Harry’s eyes were sparkling from the two Gin and Tonics he had drank. He wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “I can see that,” he said. Zayn spoke close to Harry’s ear because the music was loud. “You deserve to have a fun night.” 

Harry leaned back in their embrace and looked into Zayn’s eyes. “Will you take care of me if I get tipsy?” he asked, playfully. 

Zayn grinned at him. “I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.” He pressed his forehead to Harry’s. “I’ll always take care of you.” 

They arrived back to the house late. Gemma let them inside and reminded them to be quiet as Anne was asleep. Zayn wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist to steady him. 

“I’m not that drunk, Zayn,” Harry grumbled. Admittedly, Zayn thought that he sounded sober, until Harry tripped over something by the door and fell down. 

The dogs barked upstairs. 

Zayn found the light switch. “So much for not waking Anne.” 

“I’ll get the dogs,” Gemma offered, “You just get to him to bed.” 

Harry got up when Zayn offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet. “I’m not drunk,” he said when they were alone, “I’m just clumsy.” 

Zayn chuckled as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it up by the door. “Alright. Let’s go to bed.” 

Zayn washed up before bed. He was surprised to find Harry standing in the middle of the bedroom when he returned. Zayn was convinced that Harry had been pacing. 

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Zayn asked. 

Harry bit his lip. “I’m not drunk, I promise.” 

Zayn nodded. He stepped closer and touched Harry’s arm. “I believe you. It’s fine. Even if you were, it would be okay.” He didn’t want Harry to think that he had a problem with him drinking and having fun. “I’d take care of you.” 

Zayn pushed Harry’s jacket off his shoulders to get him ready for bed. Harry cooperated for only a moment before he stepped back. 

“I just want to ask you something,” Harry said quickly, “and I want you to take me seriously.” He took off the jacket and tossed it to the chair. 

“Harry, what is it?” Zayn grew impatient because the longer Harry took to explain the more nervous he became. 

“I know that you’re putting on a show for my family because they think we’re together,” Harry started, “but maybe you could tone it down a bit?” 

Zayn was confused. “Wait, what?” 

“You’re acting like we’re a couple because my family knows we’re soul mates and thinks we’re together. I just need you to tone it down, because even I’m starting to believe you.” 

Zayn watched Harry carefully. He picked up on the sadness in Harry’s voice and he didn’t know what to do about it. 

“I’m not acting –“ 

“You are,” Harry interrupted, “and that’s fine. You’re doing a great job,” he paused to shrug, “I just need you to tone it down before I start believing it too.” 

Zayn didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t acting for the sake of keeping up a farce. He didn’t care if Harry’s family knew the truth. Zayn had already chosen him. He realized that he had told himself that Harry was his choice, but he hadn’t told the man in question. 

“Harry.“ Zayn sighed his soul mate’s name. There were no other sounds his lips would make. He didn’t know how to find the words to explain his actions to his other half. Zayn stepped closer and he took Harry’s face into his hands. Harry stared at him in wonder. 

Zayn kissed him. 

The kiss was gentle and yet urgent. Zayn pressed his lips to Harry’s and held them there for a moment. He pulled back to watch Harry open his eyes once the kiss ended. Harry was clearly surprised by his actions. Zayn stepped back as he was uncertain as to what his next move was. 

“Maybe we should go to bed.” 

Zayn nodded quickly at Harry’s idea. He felt stupid for kissing Harry when he should have explained with his words. His actions hadn’t made anything more or less clear it seemed. Zayn hurried to get undressed and slip on his sweatpants and t-shirt. He avoided Harry’s eyes as the other man did the same. 

Harry lay down next to him and he watched Zayn from his pillow. When Zayn didn’t look at him, Harry cupped Zayn’s cheek with his palm and turned his face gently. 

Zayn looked into Harry’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he started, “I fucked up –“ 

Harry pressed his thumb to Zayn’s lips so he would stop talking. “Did you mean it?” 

“Yes.” Zayn had never been more sure of anything in his life. 

“Can I?” Harry moved closer until his lips were almost touching Zayn’s. 

“Please.” 

They kissed and every emotion they had held back manifested between their lips. They kissed to make up for all of the kisses they could have had. They held each other’s bodies and faces as they poured everything they had into that kiss.

Zayn sighed when Harry paused. He couldn’t remember any kiss that felt as special as his and Harry’s. He couldn’t compare Harry to anyone he had ever kissed before. There was something incredibly exceptional about how Harry made him feel when they kissed. 

“Don’t stop.” The words left Zayn’s lips in a soft, breathless ease. 

Harry smiled against Zayn’s lips. Zayn could feel his happiness radiating between both of their bodies. “I don’t want to ever stop,” he whispered. 

“Then don’t.” 

*

Zayn was late to breakfast the next morning. He found everyone in the kitchen and wondered why Harry hadn’t woken him. He smiled softly at Anne, “I’m sorry.” 

She nodded and gestured for him to take his seat at the table. “It’s been a long weekend for everyone. You probably needed to catch up on some sleep to recharge.” 

Zayn did need to catch up on sleep. He hadn’t slept very much the night before. His body felt hot all over when he thought about how Harry had touched him and in return kept him awake. 

Zayn stole glances at Harry during breakfast. He didn’t seem to be acting differently but Zayn still felt that something was off. He wondered if Harry regretted the night before. 

Harry turned to him when they were left alone at the table. “I thought I’d let you sleep in.” He leaned over and kissed Zayn’s cheek.

Zayn sighed at how normal Harry’s tone was. “I needed it,” he replied. 

Harry bit his lip as his cheeks flushed. “I don’t think you meant it like that, but that’s still where my head went.” 

Zayn grinned at him. He reached over and placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. When Harry turned his head, Zayn kissed him. It was a sweet, soft kiss. It felt normal. It felt like they had been exchanging breakfast kisses for years. 

They didn’t talk on the drive back to the city. Zayn thought that it was a comfortable silence until a sinking feeling took over his stomach. He glanced at Harry and each time, Harry didn’t look at him. 

They were fairly close to home when Harry finally spoke. “I’m not saying anything because I don’t know what to say.” 

Zayn bit his lip. “Do you regret last night?” He had to know. 

“No,” Harry said quickly. “Do you?” 

“No.” 

“You can tell me if you do,” Harry started, “In fact, you should probably tell me sooner rather than later so I don’t get my hopes up.” 

Zayn was confused. “Get your hopes up?” 

Harry shook his head in disbelief. “You still have a girlfriend, Zayn. Or did you forget?” he questioned, “I just want to know if last night meant to you what it meant to me.” 

They were interrupted when Zayn’s phone rang. It was Louis. Zayn spoke to him for just a moment to tell him that he would call him back later, but when he ended the call Harry had already pulled over. They were in front of the flower shop. Cara was sitting on the front steps and she waved to them. 

Zayn looked to Harry in question. Cara couldn’t be there at the moment. They needed to talk about what had happened. 

Harry moved to get out of the car and Zayn caught his arm. “Harry, we need to talk about this.” 

Harry shrugged. “I know what I want, Zayn. You know what I want. Now you have to figure out what you want.” 

Zayn got out of the car and followed Harry to the trunk. He only had a few moments before Cara would come over and he wouldn’t have a chance to be alone with Harry. 

“Harry, I –“ Zayn cut himself off as Cara joined them. He said a polite hello and on his face he wore a smile, but on the inside he was screaming. 

Zayn went home and he kicked himself for not saying what he wanted earlier. He hated that the man he loved was still wondering what choice Zayn was going to make. It was obvious to Zayn what he needed to do. He needed to talk to Perrie and he needed to end things with her. He could still be a father to their child without being married to her. He could still be a part of her life. 

Perrie wasn’t home when Zayn let himself in. He called her to learn that she was at Jade’s with Selena. They were doing their nails and watching Legally Blonde. 

“Perrie, when are you coming home?” Zayn asked. 

“Did someone miss me?” she flirted. 

Zayn caught himself. “Of course. I wanted to see you. I want to talk to you about something.” 

“I was going to stay over here tonight, Z. Is everything okay?” 

Zayn didn’t want her to think that anything was wrong. “Everything’s fine. That’s fine. You should have your night with the girls. I’ll see you tomorrow after work.” 

“Okay. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Zayn went upstairs. He needed to shower and clear his head. He normally wouldn’t have stopped and looked into the nursery, but something forced him to. He saw that Perrie had bought a few stuffed animals and placed them into the crib. He sighed as he felt his heart crumble to pieces. He was going to ruin her life when he told her the truth. She would be heartbroken. Zayn had slept with someone else. He was in love with someone else. 

Zayn stared at himself in the bathroom mirror as his eyes welled with tears. 

*

Zayn went to work on Monday morning and acted like he wasn’t falling apart under the pressure of guilt and the knowledge of the destruction he would cause. He was going to hurt people and he didn’t have a way around it. 

He didn’t see Harry on his lunch break. Zayn had called him, but Harry hadn’t answered. He hoped that Harry missed his call because he was swamped at the shop and not because he didn’t want to speak to Zayn. 

Zayn found it hard to focus on his tasks at work. Every so often his mind would fill with memories from the weekend. Louis had been right. Things had changed. Harry’s family felt like his family. He loved being around Harry when he was around his family. He was happy and at ease. Zayn couldn’t think of a time Harry had been more beautiful. 

Anne’s presence was one of comfort and compassion. Zayn could still feel how tight her arms had wrapped around him when they had to say goodbye. He couldn’t wait to see her again. 

Zayn stopped at the flower shop after work. Harry wasn’t there according to the girl at the register. Zayn once again hoped it a coincidence and not because Harry was avoiding him. 

He returned home to find cars parked in front of his house. Zayn was confused. He went inside to find ten to twelve of his and Perrie’s friends around their living room and kitchen. 

“Zayn!” Perrie beamed at him as she came running with open arms. He wrapped his arms around her and steadied them so they wouldn’t topple over at the impact. 

“What’s going on?” he asked her when he stepped back. Zayn wanted to talk to her about Harry. He didn’t want everyone at their house. 

“I invited everyone over. I wanted to have dinner and drinks with my best friends.” She looked so happy that Zayn couldn’t be mad at her. “We’re just waiting on Niall. He should be here soon and then I was gonna order pizza.” 

Zayn bit his lip. He wasn’t sure when he would have a chance to talk to her alone. 

“What do you think?” she asked him. Perrie looked down to her belly. “Have I gotten bigger?” she asked. 

Zayn looked down at her growing bump and he realized that it did look bigger to him. “Actually, yeah.” He cupped the bump in his hands. 

“He’s going to be perfect, Zayn.” 

Zayn looked to her in question. “He?” 

Perrie blushed. “I decided I wanted to know. I was going to tell you properly but I just let it slip like an idiot. I invited everyone because I wanted to announce it tonight.” 

Zayn was happy to hear that the baby was a boy. He didn’t know why, but suddenly a boy was all he wanted. He smiled at his wife. 

“Zayn?” 

Zayn recognized the uncertain voice that had called his name. He was shocked and knew that it couldn’t possibly be him. He turned to look and his heart sank to floor when he saw him. 

Harry was standing in his house. He had come in with Niall. The look on his face gave way that he was angry. 

Zayn pulled his hands away from Perrie’s bump. “Harry –“ 

Harry bolted. Zayn ran after him. 

“Wait!” Zayn yelled after him. He nearly ran right into Harry when the man stopped and turned around to face him. 

“For what!?” Harry yelled. His eyes were filled with tears and Zayn’s chest was so tight that he couldn’t breath. 

“Let me explain,” Zayn pleaded. 

“There’s no need for you to explain,” Harry said. He was heartbroken. “That woman is not your girlfriend. She is your wife and she’s pregnant.” Harry stepped closer and his hands flew up in question. “How could you lie about that?”

“I wanted to tell you –“ 

“If you had wanted to tell me you would have. You lied to me for months.” Harry’s expression was stern. He was broken and he was angry.

Zayn was quiet. He watched as the tears rolled down Harry’s cheeks. 

“You’re an asshole,” Harry claimed, “You let me believe that she was a girlfriend through everything that has happened in that last five months. I know it sounds horrible, but I lived with the hope that you would fall in love with me and leave her.” He frowned. “I even tried to respect the shitty boundaries you created and yet never enforced out of respect for your relationship. If I had known that you were married and that she was pregnant –“ Harry shook his head, “I wouldn’t have waited around for you. I wouldn’t have wasted my time.” 

Zayn understood what Harry was saying. He knew it was wrong of him to have lied to Harry about his relationship status with Perrie. “Don’t say that,” he pleaded. Zayn couldn’t listen to Harry say that he would have given up on Zayn. 

“It’s the truth,” Harry started, “I could steal her boyfriend, but I would never steal her husband or her baby’s father.” 

“Harry, I –“ 

“You were never going to choose me. I didn’t even have a chance.” Harry looked to the pavement as tears fell down his face. “You’re not going to leave the mother of your child. It doesn’t matter that the other half of your heart lives in my chest.” 

Harry turned and he started to walk away. 

“Harry, please,” Zayn pleaded. 

Harry didn’t even look back. “Stay away from me.” 

Zayn stared up at the night sky and cried. He felt like his heart had left his chest. He walked back to the house.

“Zayn.” Niall waited for him. “I’m sorry. I ran into Harry downtown and I was just about to come here. I invited him because I thought you might like it if he came. I didn’t know. Louis just told me before he left.” 

Zayn wasn’t mad at Niall. Everything that had gone wrong was his fault and not Niall’s. “It’s alright, Niall. You didn’t know and you had the best intentions.” 

The house was empty when Zayn went inside. He was relieved for that. Perrie was in the dining room. Zayn couldn’t read the expression on her face when she noticed him. 

“What the hell is going on?” she asked. She stared at Zayn sadly. 

“I should have told you,” Zayn said. He sat down at the table with her and reached for her hand. “That was Harry. He’s my soul mate.” 

Perrie’s brow rose. “When did you meet him?” 

“We met four, maybe five, months ago.” 

Perrie pulled her hand away from Zayn’s. “What the fuck, Zayn?” 

Zayn nodded. He knew that she would be mad. “I should have told you. I met him the night I went out with Louis, Liam, and Niall. I saw him and it was like my whole body was on fire.” 

“Did you cheat?”

Zayn swallowed hard. He closed his eyes and sighed. “I tried to be friends with him,” he started, “I really did. But it got to a point that I knew I couldn’t only be his friend.” 

Perrie nodded. “So you did.” She looked at the table for a moment. Then, she looked back at him and said, “Zayn, if you want to be with him, you should.” 

Zayn looked at her in wonder. “What?” He hadn’t expected those words to come out of her mouth.

“He’s your soul mate. You’re meant to be together. I’m not going to sit here and try to keep you from true happiness.” 

Zayn furrowed his brow. “Really?” he asked her. He thought that she would be angrier than she was. “You don’t seem mad.” 

Perrie stood. “I’m not mad. It’s okay, Zayn. You choose him and I completely get it. We’ll get a divorce and you can be with him. I just don’t want you to forget about your son.” 

Zayn mirrored her and stood. “Perrie, I promise I will be there for our son. I want to be the best father I can be.” 

She smiled softly. “Good.” 

Zayn felt stupid as he watched Perrie go upstairs. He had worried for months about how the conversation would go when he finally told her the truth and it turned out that it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. It was concerning for him, because he figured that she was putting up a front and was actually really upset. 

*

Zayn met Louis for coffee during his lunch break the next day. 

“How did she take it?” Louis asked. 

Zayn shrugged. “She was angry for like, 30 seconds? It was strange. Then she told me that I should be with him and that we’ll get a divorce.” 

Louis furrowed his brow as he stirred his coffee. “Wow, she took it pretty well then. Maybe she realized there isn’t anything she can do to stop Mother Nature, you know?” 

Zayn nodded. That was possible. He hadn’t talked about it with her anymore the previous night. They had cleaned up the party aftermath and talked as if nothing had happened. She wasn’t simply civil. She was friendly. 

“Now you have to convince Harry,” Louis grinned, “Wonder how hard that’ll be.” 

“This isn’t a time for jokes, Louis. I love him. I want things to be okay between us -” Zayn noticed Louis staring at him, “What?” 

Louis gawked at Zayn with large, surprised eyes. “You just said love.” 

Zayn thought about it. “Shit, I did.” 

“That’s pretty serious,” Louis commented. 

Zayn considered what he said. “Yeah, it is pretty serious. I love him. I think I’ve felt that way since the first time he smiled at me. I was in denial and trying to keep my family together.” 

Louis smiled and stood from their table. “I have to go. After work I demand that you march yourself to that flower shop and you talk to him about this. Let me know how it goes.” 

Zayn nodded. “I’ll let you know.” 

Zayn returned to work and didn’t miss the suspicious eye his boss gave him. 

“Are you alright, Zayn?” the man asked. 

Zayn forced himself to smile as he held his third, maybe fourth cup of coffee that day. “I’m trying to be.” 

“What’s going on?” 

“Well,” Zayn started, “I met the love of my life. But, I’m married. So now I’m getting a divorce. I’m still having a child, however, with my wife,” he paused, “Well, ex wife, I guess. But the papers will take a while to complete and –“ 

His boss held up his hand and Zayn stopped speaking. “It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. If you ever need to take a personal day to figure things out, let me know.” 

Zayn smiled gratefully. He nodded, “Thank you.” 

Zayn listened to Louis and he went to the flower shop after work. He didn’t see Harry in the store. 

“Hi,” Zayn said to one of the girls who worked for Harry, “Is Harry around?” 

She shook her head. “Out of office. Sorry.” 

Zayn looked at her suspiciously. “He told you to say that, didn’t he? You answered too quickly. You didn’t even have to think about it.” 

Her expression of panic gave away the truth. Zayn moved towards the back door. 

“You can’t go back there, sir. That’s employees only.” 

Zayn went into the backroom anyway. “It’s okay. I know him –“ He paused as she took her place at the bottom of the staircase that led to Harry’s apartment and blocked his path. 

“He told me to say he wasn’t here if a hot guy with dark hair and tattoos came looking for him. I’m just doing my job.” 

Zayn groaned and he pushed past her. She pulled on his sleeve. Zayn made it to the top of the stairs with the girl hanging on his arm as she tried to pull him back. “Let go of me, you maniac,” Zayn yelled at her, “I’m not here to assassinate the guy! I just want to talk to him.” 

“He said not to let anyone up there!” 

Zayn could hear Caesar barking from inside the apartment. “Harry!” he shouted.

A moment later, the apartment door opened. Harry glanced at the scene in front of him and he was clearly surprised. “Amy, let him go.” 

The girl let go of Zayn but she didn’t hold back her glare. 

“I just wanna talk,” Zayn pleaded with Harry, “Call off the guards, won’t you?” 

Harry sighed. “Amy, it’s okay. Go back to work.” 

Amy huffed at Zayn before she left. 

Zayn followed Harry inside the apartment. “Your employees sure take orders to heart, don’t they?” he asked. 

Harry turned to Zayn and ignored his question. “What do you want?” he asked. “I thought I told you to stay away from me.” 

Zayn nodded. “I know you did. It broke my heart to hear you say that. I just want a minute of your time so I can explain.” 

Harry looked uninterested in Zayn’s explanation. “Well you broke my heart when I realized you’ve been lying to me for the last five months, so I guess we’re even.” 

“I know it’s not the same, Harry. I know. I fucked up. I just want to explain.” 

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay. Explain.” 

“I talked to Louis the day before we left to go to the funeral. I told him that I was going to talk to Perrie when we got back on Sunday and tell her the truth. I had already chosen you. And after everything that happened over the weekend, I knew I was making the right choice. I was going to tell you that I wanted to be with you and I was going to tell you the truth about Perrie. I just didn’t have a chance to tell you before you found out on your own.” 

Harry’s expression didn’t change. He was unimpressed. “Why did you tell me she was your girlfriend in the first place?” 

Zayn shook his head. “I don’t know. You kissed me and my brain was a mess, but I knew I had to say something because I couldn’t cheat on her. That was the first thing that came out of my mouth.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. “You let me apologize to you. You agreed to be friends and then went on to make our friendship the most intimate friendship I have ever experienced.” 

“I wasn’t great about following my own rules. I know. I’m sorry.” 

It was Harry’s turn to shake his head. “She’s probably pissed that you didn’t tell her about me and kicked you out. You’re only here right now because what you had with her fell apart.” 

Zayn furrowed his brow. He stepped closer and grabbed Harry’s arms. “No, that isn’t it. I chose you before she even knew about you. Perrie didn’t kick me out. We’re on good terms. She even told me to be with you.” 

“That might be true, but you still wanted what you had with her over what you felt for me.” Harry frowned. “You wanted both. You led me on and kept her in the dark.” 

Zayn nodded. “I fucked up. I should have told you how I felt instead of kissing you that night. I’ve never been the best at using my words.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. “You had sex with me but couldn’t figure out how to say ‘Harry, I want you to be with you. We’ll make it work’?” 

Zayn sighed, “I want you, Harry. That’s all. Nothing more. Nothing less. Give me a chance to show you that.” 

Harry stared at him. The scowl on his face faded. His eyes filled with tears. “I’m not your first choice, Zayn. You didn’t tell me the truth because you still wanted to be with her and have your family. You know how much that hurts? And now you’re here and I wanted to forgive you the second I saw you because my heart misses you, but I’m just your only option now. The default.” 

Zayn’s eyes welled with tears. 

“I can’t give you what you had with her,” Harry continued, “You might want to be with me now, but you’ll only be disappointed. I can’t give you a great house outside of the city with a nice yard and a master bedroom. I can’t give you a family.” 

“I don’t care about the house,” Zayn insisted, “I just want to be where you are, Harry. Can’t you see that? I’m not choosing you because I can’t have her. I could still have her if I wanted. If I told Perrie that I was going to forget about you and continue our life together, she would forgive me. But I can’t do that because there’s a difference. I could live with her. I can’t live without you. ” 

The frown on Harry’s face wasn’t leaving. Zayn wiped at his tears with his thumbs as he took Harry’s face in his hands. “I thought that I had to be with her and keep our family together and to be a good father. I was trying to create a good life for my son. That’s it. It took a few conversations with Louis to make me realize that I didn’t have to be with my son’s mother to be a good father.” 

Harry considered him and bit his lip. “Now what?” 

“I’m getting divorced,” Zayn shrugged, “I’m going to co-parent with Perrie and I’m going to be a great Dad to our son.” 

“What about me?” Harry asked. 

“If you let me, I’ll show you that I only want to be with you.” 

Harry sobbed and wrapped his arms around Zayn in a hug. Zayn hugged him tight and sighed over Harry’s shoulder. He ran his hand up and down Harry’s back. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Harry.” 

Harry nodded against him. He leaned back in their embrace and pressed his lips to Zayn’s. Zayn palmed his cheek and kissed him back. 

“I love you.” 

They stood in the middle of Harry’s living room and kissed passionately for as long as they could stand to be without breath. When the kiss ended, Harry hugged Zayn again and buried his face into Zayn’s neck. 

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! 
> 
> Thank you for reading this story. I would love to hear what you think in the comments! Would you like to read a sequel?


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